Back 2 Good [Lucius/Narcissa]

Back 2 Good

He kept hoping that if he waited long enough, things would begin to make sense. He hoped that eventually he would understand everything he had seen over the last day, and he would be able to start processing it and filing it away in his mental history and leave it in the past.

            That time was not now, and Lucius doubted it would come for quite a while. Now, there was still blood on his shoes from the bodies he'd stumbled over while running through the firestorm with his wife in search of their son. Now, the screams still echoed in his mind and he still saw flashes of green each time he closed his eyes.

            They'd stayed in the Great Hall until well after dawn, until the shock had worn off enough at least to allow them to move. As soon as they'd returned home, Draco had insisted he needed time alone to gather his thoughts, and Lucius hadn't believed it wise to try to stop him, though he himself had wanted to keep everyone together-to hold his family close and count their blessings that they were still as intact as they were. Draco would emerge from his room when he was ready, Lucius knew. The boy had been through an unimaginable amount for someone so young, and Lucius doubted he would ever stop blaming himself for everything Draco had been forced to endure. He would not, at least, add asking him to discuss the battle before he was ready to that list.

            Narcissa, however, hadn't left Lucius's side since the Forbidden Forest.

            She'd held tightly to his hand as they ran through the wreckage searching for Draco and as they sat among former friends and former enemies, some living and some far from it in the room where they'd eaten meals together as students in a time that seemed too long ago to have existed in this lifetime.

            As soon as they'd parted ways with Draco in the corridor and made their way into their own chambers, Narcissa had collapsed into Lucius's arms on the threshold, and it had taken a bit of maneuvering for him to close the door and shift their position to lean against it as he'd held her close. It felt like hours had passed, now, as they sat in the same position with their arms twined around one another and their sobs beginning at last to fade. Lucius believed he could count each time he'd wept in his lifetime-each had been in response to unimaginable pain and suffering, such as the death of his father or the attempts he and Narcissa had made to start a family before succeeding with Draco. He hadn't wept when he'd been sentenced to Azkaban or when the Dark Lord had stolen his wand.

            The tears he'd allowed himself this morning were those of relief after years of pain. At last, at last, it was over. There would be no more nights interrupted by the summons of the burning Dark Mark on his arm, no more days spent living like a shadow or a ghost within his own home to avoid provoking the master who was likely to send a Killing Curse in his direction if displeased. Lucius would no longer have to wake wondering whether his entire family would still be alive at the end of the day, and that was the most wonderful feeling he could imagine.

            He knew Narcissa's tears came from a similar place of renewed liberty as well as from the loss of her eldest sister. Lucius and Bellatrix had had their differences-to label it lightly-but he had never wished this on her, and he certainly hadn't wished her loss on his wife. He'd spent the first half hour after their return consoling her for this and the rest of the time as Narcissa had: searching for words that each only found and managed to speak once in a while.

            "I thought they'd arrest us."

            "I'm-I'm so glad they didn't."

            "I couldn't go back there..."

            His back had become stiff from sitting against the door, but he didn't mind. He kept his arms tight around Narcissa, one hand running gently through her hair as her head rested on his chest and her hands held to his arms like lifelines.

            "I lied to him," she said. "He might've killed us all for it. I didn't-I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't let Draco stay there alone, Lucius, I-"

            "Shh." He leaned down to rest his head against hers. "You did wonderfully. It got us into the castle, and we found Draco. He's safe. We're safe." His voice sounded hoarse from shouting, but he couldn't bring himself to care, as long as he got the words out.

            "It's... so hard to believe. After all this time, I can't believe we won't have to be constantly looking over our shoulders, trying not to do something wrong..."

            "We can have our lives back," said Lucius, and for the first time since before the battle had begun, he felt a smile beginning to form on his lips.

            Narcissa let out a little sound that was somewhere between a laugh and another sob, and her hands tightened on Lucius. "I've forgotten what that's like."

            "I'll help you remember."

            She shifted, wrapping her arms around his neck and resting her head against his shoulder as she closed her eyes. "I'm so glad you're all right."

            "And I'm so glad that you are." Lucius sighed heavily. Yes, he fully supported what Narcissa had done in lying to the Dark Lord in order to allow them to find Draco, but as soon as he'd realized what she'd done and that the Dark Lord was likely to have realized it as well, he'd begun to fear for her life more than he had already, which he hadn't believed possible, with their family being in such a constant state of torment. But by some miracle, she had survived. The three Malfoys had lived up to the words Lucius had taken to telling Narcissa long ago each time something had seemed insurmountable and moving forward impossible: We will endure.

            "I love you," Narcissa muttered.

            Lucius smiled and closed his eyes, resting his head against the door behind him. "I love you. Always."

            He felt exhaustion setting in rapidly, and though falling asleep while sitting up wasn't the most comfortable of positions, he decided he would gladly take it. When he awoke, the world was sure to be a little more peaceful.