Black | lrh

Chapter 4

Ugh.

Reaching to my bedside table I stretch to grasp my phone in the darkness. Pressing the unlock button, the bright screen temporarily blinds me while my eyes adjust to the sudden white light. Everything's a blur; the time on my phone is barely legible.

5:10am. Great, three hours and thirty five minutes until school. What am I suppose to do until then? Think about how I have to face Luke again for the millionth time?

When something is on my mind, sleeping takes second priority according to my wayward brain. It's physically and mentally impossible to make myself sleep when something is going through my mind. Not only do I have anxiety troubles, I also have insomniac problems, how thrilling.

I toss and turn in my bed impatiently, waiting for seven o'clock to come until I leave from my safe haven. Reaching back over a second time to my bedside table, I grab my earphones and struggle to plug them into my phone in the darkness. Blinded for the second time, I unlock my phone, open up the music app and contemplate what music I want to listen to. It's a hard decision when you're into all sorts of music genres. I will pretty much listen to anything. Eventually I decided to listen to Panic! At the Disco's 'Too Weird To Live, Too Rare To Die!' I loved this album so much; it's very different from their earlier stuff.

Making sure the album was on repeat, I closed my eyes and peacefully listened to the album in the warmth of my comfortable bed. Once, twice, three times the album played before it was seven o'clock.

The infuriating alarm went off on my phone, disrupting my tranquil listening. Instantly I turn the alarm off and drag myself out of my cosy sheets to start my morning ritual. At least today I can be at ease rather than rushing to get to school. I leave my fresh chilly room and wander down the hallway to the bathroom. Leisurely stripping down, I pop a shower cap on my head and hop into the shower. I take my time appreciating the warmth of the water, just standing in the shower for a few minutes. The heat welcomely stings my skin as steam rises from the warm pelting water on my clean body. After my shower, I wrap my towel around myself and walk back into my bedroom.

It makes such a difference not being in a rush in the morning. If I am late, I generally have more stress and more anxiety throughout the day. Keeping my heart rate down and not working myself up over petty things is very important to me, but I'm not very successful at keeping my emotions in check.

Taking all the time in the world, I put my uniform on, return back to the bathroom to brush my teeth, manage my long wavy hair and apply makeup. I retrieve my phone and backpack from my room, walk downstairs and sit by the dining table. Left on the table is a small note on a tiny bit of torn off paper from my mum.

'Hope school is good today, love you lots,
Mum xx'

A smile spread ear to ear across my face. My parents really do love me and I am lucky to have such great people like them in my life. Even though I have no friends, I always have my parents; they're family and they will always be family, that's so important to me.

Toast for breakfast deemed to be the best option this morning so I can eat it while walking to school. After nearly burning the house down by burning my toast black to a crisp, I clean up my charcoaled mess and leave the house.

Walking to school, I start noticing a lot of things in my neighbourhood. There are a lot of big tall green trees among the streets. They whisper quietly as the breeze sways the leaves against each other. Birds whistle amongst themselves in the tall trees and some sit upon the powerlines high above me, not having a care what is happening in the world below. The birds whistle and chirp frequently so it's strange to hear silence in the streets. The streets don't have a definite footpath; where you deemed fit to walk that would be your footpath.