Asuma.

"love"

I woke up in the morning, a pain between my legs.
Last night was an experience that I enjoyed ... A lot.

After I agreed to be Asumas girlfriend he went down town.
We did make love. We made love until the sun started to rise.
We did it loads of times.

I didn't last very long the first few times but he assured me I was doing well.

I had awaited to lose my virginity to a man I loved for a long long time and I think last night was the perfect time for me.

I lay in bed smiling towards the celing, pleased that I accomplished 2 things in one night.

The thought of me calling Asuma my boyfriend is crazy.
I smiled harder and hugged the blanket around my naked body.

I rotated on my side to see if Asuma was awake. But the bed was empty.
It was also cold.

I checked the time and it was 10:37 am.

I got out of bed and put a T-shirt from the floor on. I walked around the house and I didn't see asuma anywhere.

He wasn't making breakfast. He wasn't smoking. He wasn't Even in the shower.

I could find no trace of him.

I didn't want to believe that the man I fell in love with in less than a week and lost my virginity to at the age of 26 had just "fucked and ducked" me.
But that's what it seemed like.

I wasnt angry at him. He is a man, I expected no less.
I was disappointed, In myself. I thought that maybe, maybe he was different .

I took a seat in the balcany with a bag of chips and my cigarettes.

Allowing every thought to sink into my mind.

I didn't try to call Asuma yet, I don't really know if he has any intention of seeing me again or not... but then he would have left a note or texted if he was serious about it...

I fell into his arms too quickly and opened my legs even quicker. I waited so long for what?

What if i wasn't in love with him... what if i was just in love with the sex?or the way he treated me.

I took my phone out my pocket and and hovered over Asuma name... what if i seem desperate?

I called him.

i brought the phone to my ear.

ring ring.

ring ri-

he cut me off? after two rings?

"fucking bitch."

he can't even face me and let me know why?

augh! I can't allow him to stress me out.

I got in the shower and sat around in my towel for a while.

I feel so down right now. i don't feel confident.

i checked my phone and Asuma hadn't called me back yet.

i went to the fridge and pulled out a bottle of wine.

I drank half a glass in one before topping it up again.

I decided that I will go cheer myself up tonight. to not feel so lonley.

as i started to put my makeup on i realised why i confused lust with love.

i had waited so long for the touch that will bring me to my knees and i finally received it after all my years of being anti social and shy, i finally opened myself up but i was confused because of my inexperienced past.