(And every little bit,
Every little bit
Of her wants to see that light
But every single night
Another little bit of her dies inside
She's trapped in her mind
She feels more alive
She feels more alive
In her own dreams
And she's wondering
What's beyond the sky
Could she see the light
If she falls asleep
Cause she feels more alive
In her own dreams
~another empty bottle // Kathy McAllister)
Ashton's Pov.
I give a sorrow filled smile to Luke before getting up; I walk over to the door telling Calum he can come back in.
I sit back down looking over at Luke; the tension in the room was thick. I wasn't sure who was going to break the silence, it seemed impossible until I heard Calum speak up.
"Luke, why don't we give you some time to relax and calm down while I talk to Ashton about his relapse?" I hear Calum say. It was then I wished he hadn't said a word.
I didn't know how to talk about it knowing I would have to speak about my past knowing I would have to bring it into the light.
"I think that would be a good idea." Luke says, his voice slightly trembling. I could almost feel Calum's eyes as they pierced into the side of my head. I didn't want to move though, I felt like I was suffocating.
"Ashton," I hear Calum speak up. "What was going through your mind? What made you relapse? You had been doing good for so long?" Calum's voice says. I could hear the disappointment and it made me feel worse.
I open my mouth, it stayed like that for a few moments before I closed it. It felt like my throat had swelled and I didn't know how to respond. I try once again opening my mouth wanting to speak but I feel the tears welling up in my eyes.
I close my eyes shaking my head feeling a tear slowly fall down my face. I feel all the memories of my childhood coming back. It all becomes too much; I stand up running out of the room. I hear them calling my name.
I ignore it running down the hall into the bathroom. I lock the door behind me, feeling the memories come back all the memories I had suppressed.
*Flashback to age 16* (Also major trigger warning it's key to the story but I will sum it up in le authors note, because it mentions homophobia and a few other things...So, please don't read if your easily triggered because I love you all my little killjoy munchkin babies <3)
I smile walking out of the kitchen holding the freshly iced cake I had baked. I look around at all my family and smiled setting it down. I had asked for a small birthday so I could do this easily.
I had known for a while now I was bisexual. I hoped my family wouldn't mind, I just never knew how to tell them. It wasn't that hard for me to figure out; I had realized I liked boys just as much as girls about a year ago.
