(Little do you know how I'm breaking while you fall asleep
little do you know I'm still haunted by the memories
little do you know I'm trying to pick myself up piece by piece
little do you know I just need a little more time
underneath it all I'm held captive by the hole inside
I've been holding back for the fear that you might change your mind...
~Alex and Serena Little do you know)
Ashton's Pov.
The sensation was one that I craved the numbness the blade brought. Slicing the blade through my pale skin I smiled. I missed this in a way a sick twisted way, but I knew better than to let myself get caught also.
I felt the blade dig into my skin once again as I sighed from the release. I almost stopped and put it away trying not to cut too deep but I started thinking letting my thoughts get the best of me.
'Why would anyone ever love you Ashton you are worthless.' they whispered 'they always leave always will but don't worry we're here for you.'
They were right I've always known that.
I push the blade into my skin deeper feeling it cut through the layers of my skin. I see it drip into a puddle.
I hear the apartment door open.
"Ashton I'm back Luke's asleep. My...friend found him by accident." He heard Michael's voice outside the room.
"O-kay." He said hearing his voice crack. 'shit.' He thought. 'You always manage to screw up.'
"You okay in there Ashton." He heard Michael's worried voice ask him.
He cleared his throat. "I'm fine." He replied. His voice held no emotion it was just a flat tone.
"You sure I just wan-" "I SAID I'M FUCKING FINE" He yelled cutting Michael off.
"I was just asking you don't have to be such a fucking dick." Michael said harshly.
Ashton heard the sound of Michael's shoes walking away. He broke down again, silently sobbing his vision getting hazy. He began to cut more and more until finally he passed out.
Michael's Pov.
(45 minutes ago)
I get out my car walking up to her house. I could hear her and her friends inside yelling already. knocking on the door to the large house I hear them all rush to the door.
The door opens and I see a face. Spiky black hair.
"Hola, welcome to the PTV house what do you want." He laughed ginning.
"Rose has a friend of mine hear..." I trailed off just wanting to get Luke back safe.
Jaime raised an eyebrow. "That's pretty kinky dude I mean I-"
"Not like that you pervert just let me see her." I interrupted him rolling my eyes. He put his hands up in surrender, walking away.
Stepping inside I close the door behind me. Walking up the stairs I speed walk to Rose's room wanting to make sure Luke was okay. I knocked on the door hearing music blare from the speakers in her room.
"It's open." I hear the familiar voice say. I open the door a small smile rises onto my face when I see the small Mexican I now call my girlfriend texting on her phone while Luke layed in her bed sleeping . He looked peaceful but I knew the tears down his cheeks said something else.
Rose looked up smiling at me. "Hey Mikey bear." She said getting up to give me a hug. I hugged her tightly inhaling her sent.
She smelled like roses ironically and still had on a cardigan even indoors, the thought of her closet full of cardigans made me chuckle.
"Hey Rose berry" I said. She grinned at the nickname before realizing why we were both here. "He's been pretty peaceful he woke up crying trying to run and started screaming," She said softly.
"we didn't entirely know what to do so me and Vic tried to console him and when that didn't work we gave him some whisky-" "Are you serious." I said flatly.
"You weren't there he was screaming about how much he wanted to die and Vic was about to cry it was too much Mikey." She said wrapping her arms around herself.
I wrap my arms around her apologizing. "I'm sorry Rose he's just so fragile and I don't know how to handle this. I know it was probably bad for Vic I know what he went through I'm sorry Rose really." She cuddled into my side as we heard Luke stir.
"Let me get him back to the apartment Ash is probably wondering where I am. I forgot to leave a note." I said kissing her on the forehead.
She nodded pulling away from me. "Be careful and if you need anything call me." She said kissing my cheek.
" Yes mum." I said rolling my eyes laughing when she smacked my chest.
Picking Luke up I begin to walk out promising to call her later. Putting Luke in the backseat I drive home thinking about how to tell Ash I got a girlfriend.
I walked into the house setting Luke on the couch. I look around for Ashton. I see the bathroom door closed so I knock asking if he's okay.
Wanting to tell him my news while I had the courage only to be shot down seeing he's in a bad mood. I simply go into my room and text Rose to tired from the day I've had to argue with Ashton.
Ashton's Pov.
Blood.
So much of it surrounded me.
Blood.
I could see it everywhere. My vision beginning to get blurry.
Blood.
That one word that made me realize how bad I'd relapsed.
Blood.
I get up using the counter looking in the mirror. I see someone I haven't seen in so long, someone I'd wished to never see again. Seeing myself, pale tear stains streaked down my face.
"Shit." I whispered seeing myself in the mirror. Looking down at my arm I wish I hadn't the fresh cuts looked deep and there were so many. I feel a sob rising up as I try to choke it back. This monster in the mirror is me.
I'm a monster
I turn on the sink feeling myself shake. I slowly rinse my face with water and realize I have to clean up. I realize how bad the floor looks realizing how much blood I must of lost I was terrified it was scary to see how much was lost.
Getting a dirty towel I begin to clean it all up crying softly while scrubbing the floor to get the dried blood up.
Why is the world so crule?
(A/N sorry this is late Ana I've been really sad lately and yesterday I stayed offline most the day. I feel better though so I hope to talk to you soon thank you. As for the rest of you guys I'm here I'm up to date I'd like to thank MeghanMichelle for commenting and being so supportive and making me motivated to finish this chapter!! Don't be silent and stay alive do it now and do it loud
~rainbow
