The Butterfly Effect

What I Can Enjoy

We found her body in the apple orchard by Sweet Apple Acres. Or is it a part of the farm? I suppose it is, now that I think about it.

We rushed over as soon as we got the letters. She had taped them to our doors the previous night.

Something clicked inside of me as I saw her hanging from the branches of one of her many apple trees. The others tried to keep me from seeing, but it was too late. I don't think I've spoken since. I feel numb. I haven't cried. Is there something wrong with me? I still don't feel like it's real.

Rarity cries a whole bunch, despite what Applejack wrote in her note for the fashionista. I know exactly what it said because Rarity read it aloud to us dramatically, leaning against the wall in despair.

Twilight says everypony grieves differently. Am I grieving? What does that feel like? And how would I know?

Rainbow comes over a lot more often now. We just sort of sit together in silence. I haven't seen her cry at all. Maybe that's normal. Maybe I'm normal. If anypony's normal it's Rainbow Dash. I mean, she's cool and exciting no doubt, but she's still the closest thing to normal I've ever encountered. And despite how much she may seem to want to be special, she wants to be accepted a whole crap ton more. 

Pardon the language.

What I'm trying to say here is that I'm pretty sure she wants to be normal. I think she tries to be.

Where was I? Oh, yes. As I was saying, Rainbow has been visiting me almost daily lately, but she's not here today. It's no mystery why.

Today is a Friday. Rainbow Dash always spends Fridays with Pinkie Pie. The incident hasn't changed that.

Speaking of Pinkie, she's in charge of planning the funeral. My little pink friend has scheduled the event for two weeks from now. Of course, she doesn't call it a funeral. Pinkie calls it a "goodbye party" for Applejack. I've never seen a smile so forced as the one she wore when she was passing out the invitations.

My cottage is quiet. Angel has been making breakfast for me lately. Scratch that, he's been making all my meals for me lately. I haven't left my bed. I never really need to. The food appears on my nightstand on a silver platter, and Rainbow sits in the armchair beside my bed when she visits. Is that unhealthy? Not the part about Rainbow sitting in my armchair, the part about me never getting out of bed. It seems unhealthy.

I've drawn the curtains shut. The sunshine is too bright, and if I look outside I'm sure to see a tree. Applejack loved trees. If she'll never look upon a tree again, neither will I.

I know my logic is deluded. I know that there are plenty of other things in this world that Applejack will never be able to enjoy again, but for now I'll have to stick to trees. Why? Because if I stopped enjoying food and water and air than I would make all my friends even sadder, and I couldn't do that. Could I?

So I sleep, and I eat what Angel Bunny makes me, but mostly I wonder what could have made Applejack decide to stop enjoying all of the things that I still can.