Missing Shadows (Short)

Missing Shadows

 -Missing Shadows-

People often told her how lucky she was. Lucky to have such a great family. Lucky to be so smart. Lucky to be so pretty and thin. Lucky to be so very cherished.

 Joan never felt lucky.

 Because the family that seemed so perfect on the outside was horribly broken on the inside. They only seemed like a respectable, nice and pleasant family – because that was what was expected.

 Her grades were high - because it was what was expected. Her hair was always shiny, her clothes unwrinkled and her make-up perfect - because that was what was expected. She never let herself gain weight, despite growing three inches – because that was what was expected.

 The smart, well-put together, thin girl with the perfect family. The father that smiled dutifully and the mother that wiped away tears at the violin concert and ballet recitals. The perfect little family - if you didn't look too close. If you didn't look at the shadows on the walls were photos once had hung.

 Photos of the first born daughter, the one who had it all without even trying. The one her mother and father had loved more than life.

 The girl that had disappeared like smoke in the wind.

 The daughter Joan could never replace.

 The daughter she wanted to be.

 The daughter her parents wanted.

 The perfect girl who no one spoke of but everyone thought of.

 The shadow that had fallen over them all – a shadow from something that wasn't even there, yet never would leave. Her sister was a missing ever present shadow. A shadow Joan knew she could never hope to escape.

Because who can be better than a memory? Better than a shadow? Better than someone who isn't there? Flesh and blood could never beat that. The child left behind could never be everything the lost child represented.

But flesh and blood could bleed. Could hurt, could wish. Wish to just for once be better than the shadow. To be the one who was loved, remembered and cared for. To be loved. To be special.

But no matter how hard Joan tried to be the best, to be exceptional, to be exactly what they wanted, what the world expected, she was never quite enough.

But she could still bleed.

The razor was sharp and she was surprised by how little it hurt. Surprised by the gush of blood. By the way it colored the bath water.

Then she wasn't surprised anymore. She wasn't warm or cold. She wasn't second best or special.

She was just gone.

A shadow no one would miss.