Hope and Faith

Chapter five: 12 years ago

#Coming generations will learn equality From poverty and love from woes - Khalil Gibran.#

Author's note :-

I thank everyone that read this book so far and voted or commented. I really appreciate that and it means a lot. Your feedback helps me to improve and keep going :D

I am writing this note , to share with you the happiness that I exceeded one thousand :D and I apologize for the mistakes , I don't have time to edit :p

I wish that you guys like this book till the very end and a lot of surprises and shocking things will be revealed as the book goes on :D waiting for your final comment as you read the whole entire thing impatiently <3 xoxo :D

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One , two , three , four , five , six , seven , eight , nine , ten. Ten days my dad haven't gone to work. He became in a horrible state. Eats nothing in the morning, gone all night somewhere and come back drunk at midnight. But this has only one advantage. Me and hope became closer. We don't have anyone in this world but each other. My dad is lost. I don't know what happened to him. Whenever I try to speak to him, he replies " I don't talk to four years old kids". He seems to forget this four years old kid washes , clean , iron and tidy up the place everyday. Just four years old! I didn't go to kindergarten because we couldn't afford it, so I used to watch mom working everyday and here , it helped me.

What does my mom think now? She is watching us from above now, living this way. I still don't get it, when will the promising happy life I thought we will get after mom's death will come ? Is life so cruel to everyone like this? Because life just gets harder and harder. My father , look at my father , sitting on the coach with the third bottle of whiskey in his hands. He talks. But I am not sure , is it to himself or to someone he thinks is right next to him? I try to listen and see what is he saying but he just pushes me away , saying it is none of my business.

One night I woke up at 2 am. I wanted to go to the bathroom. I made sure to leave the room without any noise, so hope won't wakes up. While on the way to the bathroom , I heard dad's voice. I followed the sound till I found him kneeling on the ground in the balcony. He had something in his hands, close to his chest, holding it so strong as if someone is trying to steal it. His face was towards the moon. He was crying. I can see the tears falling on the floor making it wet. I can see it. I hid behind a wall and listened to what he was saying. " Why? Why did you leave? Happy Now? Happy to see me jobless with two kids to take care of that you left and went to peace? Happy to see them suffering? Happy to see faith doing your job as you left and left us alone?happy to see faith living the childhood you never wanted her to live ?! I am broke, sarah. I have no money to feed the ones you left. I am in a misery and can't be the father you thought I will be. Why did you have to be so selfish sarah?! Why?! Why did you leave me, sweetheart?! Why?! " he mourned with her picture in his hands. I couldn't feel anything until I felt my tears falling on my hands. Father is right. Mother left us to suffer and she escaped. Maybe she is watching us from above now and and laughing and glad that she left. My dad lost his job and we have no money to live. No money to survive.

Tuesday morning, he was there sitting on the coach with another bottle of whiskey. He doesn't know that I heard him the other night. I carried hope with the bottle of milk in her mouth and went and sat on the sofa next to dad's "what are we having on lunch today, faith ? " he asked drinking. I looked at hope. Feeling sorry that she will never see mom and she won't see the real dad. " nothing, dad. The refrigerator is empty. " I said looking at him to see his reaction. He stopped drinking and looked at me. He went to the refrigerator and it was crystal clean. He turned around to me and looked at hope and me. There is not food. No money to buy food. No money to buy milk for hope and she can't survive without food. He rushed to his room and locked the door. I tried reaching him but he doesn't reply until I heard his cries. Until I heard his sound of agony.

I took hope to my room and we sat there. I played with her tiny fingers waiting for some miracle to happen. Waiting for a miracle that will bring food for us. I al ready started to feel hungry. I didn't have dinner last night and no breakfast today. I can hear the voiced my stomach made.as my dad asked for food, he is hungry too. We all are hungry.

Before I used to imagine the ways I'll die in. But I never thought I'll die out of hunger. I fed hope more. I didn't want to make her hungry as I am. Her bottle is almost empty. I didn't imagine the thing mom left for us to protect , will die out of hunger just like me and dad.

The night came and still dad didn't come out of his room. But not he is quiet. So quiet that I started to doubt that dad might have jumped from the window. no sound of breath. No sound of movement. No sound of tears. No sound of anything. To make it all harder on me, hope started crying and I couldn't make her stop. Dad was the one who mastered keeping her quiet. But not I am not even certain that dad is conscious and I can't check because of his locked door. I started singing to her while moving my finger in circles in her tiny hand. I whispered and blew air in her ear. She stopped and started at me. I looked at her eyes back and realized how much those tiny eyes resemble mom's eyes. I continued singing until she fell asleep. This lullaby is the same one mom used to sing to me to sleep. I leaned beside her on the bed and kept staring at her 35 cm body. I tried to imagine what the future holds but I came to the conclusion that it is better if the future remained anonymous to me. It's better if it kept getting us heart attacks instead of worrying forever. I almost fell asleep when I heard my dad slams the door. I crept out of the bed and ran out to him.

He was about to leave the house, but what he was wearing destructed me. He wore a torn off T-shirt with holes everywhere and one leg pants. In the uncovered leg, he wore a tall white sock and a very old pair of slippers. His hair was uncombed and a feeling came to me he did like this on purpose. When he saw me coming, he turned around to me with tears in his eyes. His face was all wet. I wasn't sure, it was wet because of the tears or because he washed his face to wash away the effects of alcohol. He gave me a weak smile then turned to head out of the door but I stooped him.

" dad what are you doing?! "

" I'll go and get you some food "

" how and you have no money? "

" streets are there "

" daddy, you will beg people? "

" I'd rather call it, seeking help from people"

" daddy don't. This is not how we will end up"

" I can't watch you hungry , sweetheart. "

" it is 2 degree Celsius out there, you can't wear half sleeves. I'll go get your jacket. "

" I will reach people's heart like this faster, faith. Take car of your sister while I am gone, okay. Be e big little sister"

" okay daddy "

This is what we ought to be ... Beggars !