*Day three*
today my therapist told my parents that I was ok to send me back to school. why? why would you send me back to that horrible place. it was horrible. every class I found myself staring longingly at the seat next to me. Ash always sat next to me and every time I looked at him he would smile. but today when I look at his seat all I see is emptiness. I didn't listen to anything in any of my classes. I stared down at my feet until the bell rang. it was also hard to walk to the class without feeling the warmth of Ash's arm around my shoulders and the sound of his laughter. I don't think I can do this. no, I know I can't do this. I don't know why the stupid therapist sent me back here. it seemed like the teachers were a little more caring towards me and let me sit staring at the floor or going to the restroom the whole block. I found myself in the restroom in 2 of the 4 periods of the day. I cried most of the day and refused to eat. on my trips to the next class I made it a point to pass his locker. I remembered the code and opened his locker at the end of the day. when I opened the door a hundred notes came falling out and fell to the floor. I picked up every one and read them all. most of them said cheesy stuff that said, " hey, I miss you. or "rest in peace" but then there were some that were quite meaningful. one of my favorites was a guy named Rusty who said " hey Ash I know that I never got to know you and that was one of the biggest mistakes I have ever made. I always admired you and your ability to not give in to the beatings and the name-calling. I never thought that you were a freak or that you were emo.. I am just like you and I never thought that I could wear the clothes and be the person I really am because I feared of the beatings and name calling. I envy you man and I promise you that I will be myself for you. rest in peace man.-rusty" it took me a few hours to read them all. I was the only kid in the building by the time my phone rang. I looked at the caller I.D it was Ash's mom I answered and she told me that she was out front to pick me up. I reluctantly stood up shoving the notes into my backpack. when I hoped into her car she was very quite. I turned to her and she looked at me with big eyes and she took me her house. when I walked in I went straight up to Ash's room and sat on the bed. I emptied out the notes from my backpack and taped them all to his wall. I know he would have liked to see them. after I taped all of the notes to the wall I waked downstairs. Ash's mom told me in the car that she wanted to talk to me. when I sat down on the couch she brought out a cup of hot chocolate and sat next to me. I asked her what she wanted to talk to me about. and she sighed and told me that she had found his suicide note. I couldn't believe that he actually left one. he was the kind of person the did something and thought about it later. she reached into her pocket and pulled out a few pieces of notebook paper. she looked at me and told me that she wants me to have them. yeah that was a good idea the suicidal mentally unstable girl who saw her best and only friend hanging from his ceiling, lets give her his suicide note. but I knew he mom was a troubled as I was so I didn't protest. I took his note and put it in my backpack. she kissed my head and walked to the door. I knew I've been there for a while but when I looked at the clock to see the time I was shocked. It was 12:35. I walked to the door and then made my way to the car. I guess I fell asleep in the car because the next thing I know my dad was carrying me to my room. I never did read the note..I don't think I want to..
