Run away

The start

Finding myself, was the excuse I gave for running away, I never understood what did finding myself mean, I made fun of my cousin when she went to Paris to'try and find herself'.

I didn't really run away.I discussed this with my parents before but they were never serious .They agreed with my opinion but they never helped me or organized a date for me to leave.

I warned them that one day they'll wake up and not find me in my room, and surprisingly they agreed to it they said it's the only way I'll be able to leave as they didn't commit to any dates they had set up.

So I waited until I was mentally ready to leave and set off for my journey leaving a note telling them that I finally had the guts to leave and tell them to not call me and that I'll call them when I felt like it.

So after packing everything I needed and rechecking that i had my credit card and my savings with me I left for good not knowing when will I see this place again.

I muttered a goodbye as I hopped into the car, I took a shaky breath then started the car.

I live in California, at least I used to, I decided to start my adventure by going to a place near my home town so if I ever felt like backing down I would just turn around and go back home.

As I was driving I felt so scared. It was quiet so I couldn't stop my brain form wandering to the dark side. The side which made me feel like a loser, like I'm not wanted.

So to avoid this side I connected my iPod and let the music take over me, but I failed cause I found myself being lowered to the dark side.

How could your parents just agree to let you go any time?
The voice in my head questioned

Well yeah I was kind of disappointed when they didn't argue with me when I told them I'll leave when I felt like it.

I felt like they didn't care, like they didn't care if their daughter stayed or left or of she's an emotional wreck.

You know finding yourself shit isn't real.Your life is over don't act like you can fix it.
The voice spoke up again

Well maybe I won't find myself, maybe when I got injured everything was meant to be over.

I was a dancer, and it kills me to use a past tense but I'll never be able to dance so I just need to face it.

I got injured a couple months ago. The doctors said that I'll be fine and I'll be able to keep on dancing, but I pushed myself. I kept training harder than ever but when I got injured again it was the end of it.

Everything changed after that. I changed and I admit it. Dance was my life it made me who I am, it helped me escape from my sadness, but after i lost it I lost my escape and I couldn't find a way to get rid of my sadness.

After a while I broke up with my boyfriend and again sadness piled up, i got rejected by college cause I lost my scholarship which added more sadness to the pile.

Then I felt that something inside me was missing that if I looked hard enough I'll find it, so I started thinking about leaving for a while
---------------------------------- Hey guys, well this is the first chapter. So I thought about this yesterday late at night so I'm just getting started here but to be honest this came out of the blue and I don't know what's gonna happen next but I'll try to update soon. <3