Destiel Smut And Fluff (Silver Wings)

Silver Wings Part 6

Gabriel calls it Castiel's research. Which Castiel really appreciates. Research sounds so much less disturbing than stalking for the purpose of masturbation fantasy fuel. Not that it's the only reason to be hiding in  a row of books about North American wildlife. He'd want to see Dean regardless, but now he actually needs the fantasies that so easily form in Castiel's brain when he peeks over the top of the books at his favorite librarian. Getting himself off two or three times a shift is no easy task. In fact, Castiel has been forced to diversify his fantasies for fear of becoming immune to Dean's charms.

Although right now, with his eyes firmly on Dean's groin, it's difficult to imagine that would ever happen. Those blue jeans he's wearing are really  tight.

Castiel sighs. As much as he enjoys objectifying Dean, all this careful study has made Castiel's crush even worse. Dean's not just incredibly handsome; the little snippets of his life that Castiel manages to see intrigue him beyond measure. Like the when Dean's younger brother came to drop off a snack and Castiel discovers that Dean's older than he realized. It makes Castiel wonder why a man in his late twenties is only just now completing an undergraduate degree. The way Dean teases his brother, calling him a girl for bringing Dean food and making fun of his long hair, reminds Castiel of his relationship with Gabriel. Which makes Castiel wonder if something happened to them to make them so close, like it did to him and Gabriel.

Castiel wants to know everything about Dean. What kind of music does Dean like? What food does he eat? What is he studying? Is he dating someone? Does he date males?

But Castiel is just too scared to talk to Dean. He's afraid Dean won't be able to see past his big clumsy wings or less than exciting personality. Castiel doesn't lack self esteem. He knows his strengths and weaknesses well, and he's never been outgoing. Judging from The amount of people Dean knows by first name, he's quite popular and Castiel isn't surprised. Dean's so full of life and energy, the people around him must feel so drawn to him. Castiel certainly does and he's never even spoken one word to the man.

All he has are silly fantasies that help pay the bills.

A bleak kind of loneliness washes over Castiel and he slumps against the bookshelf. He doesn't always want to be running after an illusion. It's truly unfortunate that Castiel's fetish for humans rivals any of his viewer's obsessions with angels. There's just something so appealing about their broad strong wingless bodies. Castiel doesn't like tangling wings with another angel. He much prefers the idea of drawing a human into a circle of feathers and hiding them both away from the world. He hates comparing wings; most other angels end up annoyed or jealous by the contest.

But he needs to be realistic. If he can't ever talk to Dean, he's only going to go mad pining after a dream. He either needs to pay more attention to his fellow angels, find a human who doesn't intimidate him, or give up the idea of a partner all together.

"What are you up to tonight?" The woman's voice startles Castiel out of his dismal thoughts. It's very close and quite familiar. Dean's co-worker, Sarah. The answering voice is Dean's.

"I got me a hot date tonight," he replied cheerfully. Castiel slips out of the opposite side of the isle, a mess of jealousy and self-directed anger boiling in his chest. He has to give up this fantasy.

****

"A hot date?" Sarah asks, one eyebrow raised. "With Mr. Right Hand?" That girl knows him too well. Dean hadn't realized how much he dated around until he abruptly stopped and all his friends began commenting on it. It's not like Dean never wants to go out again. And yes, he's got a really pathetic crush on an internet porn star, but he'd have that anyway. Really, Dean has no idea why he's not been dating. Just the idea of going through all the trouble to score a hook-up, only to face the inevitable avoidance, exhausts Dean. It's not worth it anymore.

"Don't make it sound so cheap, Sarah," Dean says. "It's love this time, I swear."

"I'm sure you'll be very happy," she deadpans as she shelves another volume about frogs. Some biology class must have just had a research paper. The thought depresses Dean; he's got a paper languishing on his laptop. To think his life has come to this, no sex and constant studying. If he wasn't so certain he hated the idea of the same dead-end garage job and crappy apartment his whole life, Dean would have lost his mind by now.

"Are you okay?" Sarah asks.

"Yeah." Dean frowns. "Why?"

"You had a really intense look on your face," she says, turning to lean against the nearby table, "You looked like you were having an epiphany."

"No, I just..." Except she is right. Three years ago, Dean realized that his shitty job and boring life weren't worth it. So with Sam's help, he enrolled in college and now he's almost all the way through a nursing degree. It's possible he might have just realized that cheap hook-ups were just as worthless as his previous existence.

"Huh," Dean says.

"What?"

"I should probably date."

Sarah's expression turns bewildered. "What are you talking about?"

"Like...dating. Actually dating," Dean says slowly, as if uncovering an utterly brilliant and new thought. Why hadn't he ever thought of this before? Having a real relationship; with regular sex, doing shit together, and sleeping in the same bed. The more he thinks about it, the more excited he grows. All those stupid meaningless hook-ups were fun at the time, but Dean wants more. He has no idea.

"Oh." Sarah grins and actually claps her hands. "Dean, that's brilliant! Do you have anyone in mind?" Of course, the first person who comes to his mind is Silver. Dean shakes his head, that's a fantasy. He needs someone real.

"I don't know anyone worthwhile," he confesses.

"Hmmm, well, What are you looking for? You're bi, right?"

Dean shrugs. "Not really, but kind of?" He receives another bewildered expression. "A guy," Dean decides. "I want a guy."

"Wait, hold on." Sarah goes to grab a notebook and orders Dean to finish their shelving while she takes notes on the description of 'his' perfect man. The only problem being that Dean doesn't know what that is. Personality-wise anyway, so he ends up describing physical characteristics. By the time he's done, Sarah's grin has turned almost fiendish.

"You're a winger," she accuses lightly.

No sense in denying it, Dean thinks before he answers, "Yeah."

"Well, it just so happens that I know an angel," Sarah says excitedly. "And he's single! Are you interested?"

"How should I know?" Dean says, even though his spine tingles with a familiar anticipation. God, wings are so fucking hot.

"He's really handsome and funny and he's got these sort of sandy-colored wings," she describes. "His name is Balthazar. He lives in my building. So, can I set you up? Please?" Sandy-colored. Not silver. Dean sighs, it's never going to be silver, he thinks. No one has silver wings like that, not in real life.

Sill, he's going to regret this. "Uh, sure, I guess."

****