A Series Of Firsts

Our First Time

"Lacey," Zack breathes in my ear, "you look so beautiful in that dress. I wonder how it would look in the floor."

I giggle at him through our passionate kiss, "Not good."

His hands travel from my hips to my upper back where the zipper starts, "Lace, you're gorgeous. You don't need to be self conscious around me."

I sigh and pull away, "You know I can't, please understand."

"No. I won't understand because I can't. You've seen me naked before, but I've never seen you. You always hide yourself, you won't even wear a fucking swim suit when we go to the beach.

"Lace, I love you and I want to be with you, but you won't let me be with you." He looks on the verge of tears, "I don't care if you have scars or if you're not as skinny as you've always wanted to be. You're the most beautiful girl I've ever seen."

I cried through his entire speech and now I'm still crying.

"Oh, love, why are you crying? Did I say something wrong?" Zack asks me, sounding anxious.

"No, no. You said something right," I insist. "For once," I add jokingly and laugh a little.

"I've never been skinny, I never will be, even if I'm not considered fat. I've always despised my body, ever since I was a little girl. I had stretch marks on my legs, hips, stomach, even my breasts since I was a teen." I'm crying even harder now, "That's why I don't wear bathing suits or short-shorts.

"But then you came along and sometimes I forgot that I wasn't as pretty as the other girls because of my weight, but then I'd look in a mirror and be reminded all over again.

"I'm just so afraid that once you see the ugly mess that I hide with my clothes, then you'll feel the same way I do about my body and you won't want me any more... I just don't think I can handle it."

Zack, who had been quiet through my whole tirade, was now walking back to me and holding my head against his beating heart. "Lace, no matter what your skin looks like, I will never have a reason to dislike you. Did you miss what I said before? I said I love you. That will never change no matter what kind of marks and scars are on your skin."

"What about self inflicted ones?" I ask breathlessly.

"Self inflicted? Lacey, do you mean...?"

I only nod. I know where this is going, where it always goes. You self harm, how unattractive. No one wants something that's broken. Not something as broken as you. Not even him. I hate that voice in my head. Always so mean to me, always making me want to be better but never giving me the chance.

"Where?" Zack asks. I'm shocked. No one's ever asked that before.

"Inner thigh," I whisper.

He immediately turns me around and seats me on the sofa. Once I'm sitting he lifts the skirt of my dress to sit on my hips and slowly, gently moves my legs apart. He's simply staring at my scars and stretch marks.

Finally he leans in and kisses them - not in a sexual way, not at all - in a loving way that makes me feel like he actually understands.

"Lace," he all but hums into my inner thighs, "please, please stop. I'm not mad, not in the slightest, it just hurts me to see you like this."

I can feel his tears streaming their way down my legs and now I'm crying again too.

"I don't want you to have to feel like you need to do this anymore. I want you to feel as beautiful and loved as I think you are, please... Just, please, my love."

I pull him up by the shoulders and kiss him fiercely and deeply and he matched me until he pulls back a few moments later with a confused look on his face. "Wh-what was that for?"

"For being the most amazing person on the face of the planet and making me feel beautiful for the first time in my life." I take a shallow breath and say the words that I've wanted to say since our first date, "And because I love you more that anything in the universe.

"I need you more than I need air, more than a flower needs the sun, more than a child needs their mum..."

I would have continued if Zack hadn't rudely interrupted me by crashing his lips to mine.

"I think I get the point, love," he tells me before lifting me before lifting me into the air and bringing his lips to mine again.

I instinctively wrap my legs around his waist and my arms around his neck while one of his arms is around my ass to keep me from falling and his other hand is expertly unzipping my dress. He begins to lead us to his room, but smashes his foot against a bar stool at the counter on our way there.

He nearly drops me when he cries out in pain.

I give him a quick smirk and whisper in his ear, "You know, I bet I can make you forget that pain in five seconds flat if you could only get me to your bed."

I hear a low growl come from the back of his throat before he answers deeply, "Who needs a bed? I've got a perfectly good floor right here."

I don't have time to answer before his lips are on mine again and he's laying me on my back, sliding my dress off my hips. I start to lift his shirt over his torso and we break apart so I can bring it over his head.

AUTHOR'S NOTE
|I hope you liked it, more to follow if you did. Remember to leave requests at my twitter @teegan_anya. Nat out.|