Day 4
Day 4 , the fourth day, fourth of July? No silly, the fourth day, four out of six. That's 2 out of 3 by the way, oh look, I know my fractions ,how great.
I had to get away. They were chasing me... The people? No, no, nothing as realistic as that... the feelings were chasing me. I was being hunted down by my own consciousness.
I stood outside the building for an hour. My hands were numb. Good that's good. When you're numb you can't feel! I was waiting... Waiting for the bus that never came. Trembling. It was cold. Cold... if I'm cold-hearted and numb the feelings will never get to me! How quaint! I was winning....
Run, run as fast as you can, you can't hide your demons always catch up to you... but I didn't want them to get me. This game of tag wasn't fair.. I had to run, to speed-walk, to use my legs, when they were allowed to float, to fly, I WANTED TO FLY!
My thoughts were racing at a million miles an hour, indiscernible, fast blurs... they left me no time to inspect them, to comprehend then.
I HAD TO GET AWAY.
Around the corner I saw them, nasty little things, they had taken over all the pedantic pedestrians walking around on the sidewalk. A careless girl laughed.. Joy was coming to get me.
A greasy old man was begging for change, his filmy eyes lighting up when a passing youngster dropped some treasure into his blanket.. Gratitude was coming to get me.
A white-collar individual stepped out of his company building, shouting menacingly into the phone... Rage was coming to get me.
A little girl whimpered as her doll fell onto the road... sadness was coming to get me.
What did they want from me? Why didn't they just leave me and my rampant thoughts be! I began losing balance, unable, physically to keep up with my wandering mind.
But I had to keep running... exhausted... but I had to keep going.
Feelings couldn't get to me when I was in the dark and when I was numb I thought, as I slipped behind an abandoned building. Leaning against the cold brick wall, the synthetic fabrics didn't provide much shielding against the bitter weather. The wind penetrated the polyester fibres with an absurd ease, and I began to shake uncontrollably.
I could no longer hear the whispering voices, maybe the feelings faded... or my fear just did. But a long, slow beeping broke the eerie silence of the alleyway. Phone! My phone! It was in my pocket...
I was tired. Where was I? Who was I running from? What was I running from? I didn't care. I needed to sleep... exhaustion was setting in, my eyelids got heavy. Close your eyes and count to ten, sing your sorry lullabies, maybe one lucky day you'll get some shut-eye. Half-heartedly I reached for that bothersome device and with a loose grip, held it to my ear.
"Yes"
" Brianna what the fuck where are you... Brianna your mom called. Listen to me! Listen to me for fuck's sake where are you?" Jack was spazzing at me. Harsh... what did I do wrong? Even if I wanted to, I wasn't able to keep up with his rushed speak.
"No," I sighed.
" Brianna it's twelve am. You've been gone for ten hours." Almost as if he had read my mind, he spoke simply now. Bluntly. Simply. Honestly. Putting the situation exactly as it was.
My fingers began to tingle and my chest began to pound. Where was I? How was I gonna get home? Where was my mom? How did the fight end? Did she call the police ? Was this some kind of criminal offence? How was I gonna get home? I was lost... where was I. A panic like a trance began to set in, and I began spacing out . Dissociating. I didn't wanna be here, I couldn't be here... how did I get here? Desperately wanted to run, I hated this alley.. Dark, unsafe, the building's damaged walls... the whole situation was quite lachrymose. I felt tears well up behind my eyes... terrified, scared. My heart racing, helplessly frozen...
