no name

Monday - Tuesday

Monday

5:23 am

Wake up, brush teeth, eat breakfast, shower, call Ethan, and go to school. For the past three months my life has been in a constant loop that I can't seem to break. So, today in an attempt to spice up my life I am deciding to eat breakfast before brushing my teeth. Wow. The exciting life that is Scarlett James. I have all these thoughts before even opening my eyes. The moment I do I regret It as the bright light burns my eyes. When I look at the time I'm not surprised to see that it is 5:23 in the morning, lately I have been waking up early with no explanation. I don't mind it though, I love being a morning person. I have all this time in the morning to do whatever I want, even if I want to do nothing. I get out of bed and quietly open my bed side table's drawer taking out the little bit of weed I have left. Sometimes I smoke with Dylan but he told me to not wake him up early in the morning anymore so I go past his room and out the back door.

When I walk back inside the smell of bacon and eggs fill my nostrils, Casey must be awake. I turn the corner and like I thought, there Casey is cooking his delicious food.

"Why are you awake so early?" I ask him as I plop a strawberry in mymouth. He looks over at me and I can clearly see the dark circles under hiseyes but decide not to question his about it. He ignores my question andchanges the subject just like I knew he would. "Please go food shopping. I knowit's not your job and you're not the mom but I can't live off stale chipsforever. Now leave me alone you smell like weed and its gross." Surprised hecalled me out on my scent when he usually stays quiet, I turn on my heal and walk back to my room. He's right though, I should probably go to the supermarket today but I know that's exactly what my mom wants me to do. The only reason she refuses to shop is because she wants me to do it. She does nothing all day and still expects me to do all the shopping.

When the door opens I jump at the loud squeak that came with it. "I have to pee." I look down to see Zoe staring back up at me. "Hurry Scar! I have to pee!" Seeing her urgency I quickly move out of the way and into the hallway. All my sisters call me 'Scar', when Bella was younger that's all she could say then Zoe picked it up, then Logan picked it up. I was hoping that it soon fade out and they would eventually call me Scarlett but I don't see that happening.

Monday continues on as a regular day, Ethan and I went to Mona's café for lunch, like always and he ordered the BLT, like always. After lunch it was all I could think about. I love Ethan, he's been my boyfriend for three years, always there for me, always emotionally available, but lately it feels like blah. Saying that fills me up with guilt, I want to love him the way he should be loved. What hurts the most is that I think he can tell I'm starting to be more distant, I can tell by the way he looks at me, I can see it in his eyes. I can see the hurt in his eyes. I'm hurting him.

Tuesday

6:25 am

"I saw Ethan at the Hookah Lounge last night." Dylan finally breaks the silence after sitting outside for about fifteen minutes without a word to each other. Usually I don't mind sitting and being quiet, but this morning my head was all over the place and I needed a distraction. "Oh yeah? With who? He never mentioned he was going yesterday." Suddenly, just realizing what Dylan said I have a moment of anxiety. Why would Ethan go out and not tell me? Is he cheating on me again? Do I care? My thoughts are interrupted by Dylan coughing and answering my questions. "Yep." I watch Dylan take a drag from the joint I rolled in the kitchen this morning. "He was with Leo and someone else, his name is Jax or something... I don't know." I'm relieved to hear that he wasn't with a girl but not for the right reasons. I grab the joint from my brother and take a hit. Frankly, I don't care if he cheats on me or not, I just made that decision right now. Last night when I was laying in bed all I could think about was Ms. Smith, and her red lipstick that was on her teeth all day. I wasn't thinking about my boyfriend, or how much I love my boyfriend, or how much I miss my boyfriend- no. I was thinking about my Algebra professor's red lipstick smudge.

As I walk towards the kitchen the sound of shrieking children and frustrated parents gets louder as I get closer. "NO! Bella that's MY bowl!" I watch Zoe pout and stomp her foot over a cereal bowl and think back to when I was younger and my biggest problems were people stealing my favorite cereal bowl. Wishing my problems would have stayed that simple, but they never did. "Bella give her the bowl. Zoe it's just a bowl it's not that big of a deal." My mom tries to resolve the fight but she's not even paying attention. She's too busy with something on her phone that is obviously more important than her children.

"Mom, that's so contradicting. Here Bella just use this one." Casey hands Bella a Spiderman bowl and then walks back over to the cabinet and grabs himself a new one. He never was one to deal with moms shit.

Both Dylan and Casey realized mom was insane ata young age, the little girls still think she is a queen. I'm worried for the daythey find out she isn't. The day you realize your mom isn't just your mom and she'sactually a person with a life- sucks. I see the way Logan looks up to her and Idon't want the day to come when the sparkle in her eyes die like they did forme.