Cullen pulled up to Johnny's house in his PT cruiser. He didn't park because his car broke down instead.
Shimmying towards the front door Cullen's tiny, white body slid underneath the door. He slid his greasy little hands around the doorknob to Johnny's bedroom and opened the door. Johnny was sitting on his super comfortable bed playing drums, guitar, his vocal cords, and bass. Cullen slithered to Johnny's feet and touched his thigh.
"Ayyyy yo, Johnny, let me touch your sweet drumstick." Cullen said trying to climb onto Johnny's bed. Johnny grabbed a stick pushed Cullen's nasty hands off of him making Cullen fall on the ground.
"Ask me again when you shave your legs." said Johnny. Cullen started crying, he pulled out a piece of paper titled "The next girl I'm gonna hit and quit" and scratched out Johnny's name then used the paper as a handkerchief to dry his tears. Rich D. emerged from the closet and whispered,
"Nice." Then he disappeared into the closet blending in with the shadows.
"What can I do to please you?" Cullen asked after he stopped crying. Johnny stopped play the guitar for a second to think.
"Get in my new car that cost way too much and drive it as recklessly as you can around the block." Cullen nodded and raced downstairs to find Johnny's car.
As the garage door opened, there was Lauren and Evan. Lauren was touching Evan's bobbies.
"Where's Johnny's car?" Asked Cullen.
"I'm just here with my Lamborghini, but you know what I like more than my Lamborghini? My Lamborghini. I have 45 Lamborghinis in my Lamborghini account..." Lauren's eyes rolled back in her head. Has science gone too far? Cullen closed the garage door. Cullen was about to head back inside when Sarahkate skied off the roof.
"Cullen, if you want to get be man, you have to look good." She flipped her hair and took a selfie. Her selfie got over 20,000 notes on tumblr. Then Emma crawled out from shrub in Johnny's front yard where she had been living. Pulling out a shovel she began digging until from he dirt she pulled a book.
"If you wanna get the man you should read my new romantic advice book. If you can't touch his wiener, how can you touch his heart? Chapter 17 discusses a great interview with Jake from Texas, is everything really bigger in Texas?" Cullen looked into the camera like the office.
Kate stepped out of the limo that had appeared in front of the house.
"Cullen, if you want to win my man you need to be beautiful. Also you need a nine inch wiener."
Cullen cried because he knew he could never achieve that. Johnny walked outside playing guitar still and hugged Kate with his legs because his arms were too busy with guitar.
Cullen went home that night and clicked on every add he saw on pornhub to enlarge his wiener, but nothing worked, including his computer. His parents found him the next morning overdosed on Viarga with his three inch wonder stuck in his guitar.
To be continued?
