Nerds and Pervs – masturbation and taboo
It was a quiet afternoon. The three boys sat beneath the tree, staring off into nowhere. The boys often went there to do that. To set the scene, it was a single oak tree that rested on top a small hill. Daniel, Austin and Connor simply didn’t just enjoy that spot cause of the views, but it was because, it was there where they first met. That’s a story for another time.
“What do you guys think of masturbation?” asked Daniel.
The other two boys paused for a second. In that second they pondered the answer to themselves. Most of their conversations were like that. It started with a question, and was usually about something taboo. Austin thought that the correct answer was that masturbation was natural. But he was afraid of what other two would think.
“I think it’s wrong” said Austin.
The others nodded their heads, acknowledging what he had said.
“I disagree” said the other two in unison.
Shit, thought Austin to himself, now they must think I’m weird. If only I had said what I thought, Austin told himself.
“Yeah” said Austin. “I disagree as well.”
Shit, thought Austin to himself. Now I really have messed up. Austin knew that he had to do something quickly to stop it from getting any worse. Maybe a change of topics would do the trick, thought Austin.
“I think Megan, from twelfth grade, is hot” said Austin. “What about you guys?”
“I disagree” said the other two in unison.
Shit, thought Austin, not again.
“She has nice legs” said Daniel. “But she happens to be a shitty person.”
“Yeah, I agree” said Connor. “But back to the previous topic, why do you think masturbation is wrong?”
Shit, thought Austin, they noticed my topic change and denied it. Austin realized the only way to save himself now was to say something cool, something straight out of an anime. Something poetic.
“I think masturbation is wrong” said Austin. “The reason for this is, something like that should be shared for the moment between a man and a woman. For something as special as making a baby. When one does it to himself, all he does is take away from that magic.”
Upon hearing this, the other two burst out in to laughter. They laughed so hard, that their faces turned red from the lack of oxygen.
“Good one” said Daniel. “Maybe you can say that to your boyfriend.”
“Maybe I will” replied Austin.
The other boys snickered to themselves. It was only then that Austin had realized what he had said.
“Yeah, maybe you will” mocked Connor.
“Shut up” said Austin.
Shit, thought Austin. He had talked himself into this. Now he had to talk himself out of this as well.
“I was telling a self-deprecating joke” Austin said as he laughed at himself.
Austin could tell, from the blank expressions, that they weren’t buying it. Austin began to panic as a few seconds of awkward silence had gone by. This was broken by Connor.
“Austin, it doesn’t matter if you’re gay” said Connor as he put his hand on Austin’s shoulder. “What does matter is that you’re are our friend.”
“Yes” shouted Austin angrily. “Yes it does.”
Another few seconds of awkward silence went by. Then more went by. And more. And more. Until what were seconds quickly turned into minutes. And what were minutes turned into what seemed to be lifetime. It began to drive the boys insane. But none of them wanted to be the first to speak. They all knew the saying; first the worst, second the best. Not only that, but whomever spoke first would be the weakest of the group.
“So anyway” said Austin. “What do you guys think of Megan?”
“I think she’s hot” said Daniel, quickly seizing the opportunity to break the awkwardness.
“Yeah” said Connor. “She has nice legs, and an amazing rack.”
“Yeah” said all three in unison.
“She’s hot” said Austin. “But in a, like slutty way. You know?”
The other two nodded in agreement. They knew what he meant.
“Yeah” said Daniel. “She’s the type you’d have a one night stand with, but the type you would never take home to meet your parents.”
They all nodded in agreement.
“If one of us ever thinks about asking Megan out” said Connor. “Or taking her home, we kill him. Cause then we know he’s an alien or a robot, or both.”
“Agreed” replied the other two.
This was soon followed by silence. It wasn’t the type of silence used to make things more emotional. It wasn’t the silence that was used to build hype before a concert. It was an awkward silence.
“Are we really going to let something like this make things awkward, and potentially ruin our relationship?” asked Daniel.
“Probably” replied the other two.
