Bring me home (Bucky Barnes x reader)

Brother, let me be your shelter

     He looked down at his hands. Or were they his hands? He wished that they weren't. "Bucky! Bucky it's me!" It ran around and around in his head like a hamster on a wheel, relentless and maddening. 

He faintly registered Steve lifting her limp body up and handing her over to a waiting Clint who carried her out of the room. He wanted to follow her. To tell her it wasn't him. But his body didn't react. Steve knelt beside him and put a hand on his best friend's shoulder, Bucky flinched away, his hair falling in tangles around his face. "Bucky?" Steve asked. Bucky nodded, letting the other super soldier know he was himself, not the one who had done this terrible thing.

Bucky raised himself unsteadily to his feet and began walking down the halls to his room. Steve raced after him, as he placed a hand on the other man's shoulder. Bucky whirled around,"Do not try to console me Steve." He hissed before The Captain had a chance to speak,"You have to lock me up, don't let me near her. Don't let me look at her." He said, his voice cracking involuntarily. Steve tried to protest, but Bucky shook his head vehemently,"Please." He whispered.

When you woke you didn't know where you were. You rose quickly, which only resulted in a sharp pain to your temple. You groaned as your memory flooded back to you. Bucky. You had to find Bucky. You raised yourself to a sitting position on the side of the bed, looking down you noticed that your wrists were black and blue all the way around, and you assumed your neck looked the same. Just then Tony walked in with a meal tray and stopped when he saw you. "(Y/n)." He sighed,"Thank God you're awake." He said and moved towards you, pulling you into a painful embrace. You whimpered slightly and he released you,"Sorry." He said quickly,"How are you feeling?" You cleared your throat and ran a hand through your hair,"Sore." You managed hoarsely. "Where's Bucky?" You said pointedly, watching Tony's expression. "He's.. He's okay." Tony said, obviously uncomfortable,"I-I want to see Bucky." You said, your voice thin and exhausted. You began to stand but fell right back down, Tony taking this opportunity to cover you back up as sleep took you.

Tony stood at his doorway, watching the former HYDRA agent. Bucky raised his head slowly, his eyes sunken, his hair tangled,"What." He said in a low voice. Tony sighed and crossed his arms over his chest,"She's awake... And asking for you." Bucky's eyes snapped to Tony's and he shook his head,"No." He said simply, not trusting himself around her, not trusting himself to keep his composure, his calm. "She's weak, but I hope you know it's very hard to keep her in that damn bed with you all the way down here." Tony said, staring at the soldier, who only shook his head, turning his back on the doorway.

You had been awake for nearly a day now, but Tony and Steve wouldn't let you leave the infirmary, which was infuriating you,"I am a nurse and if I say I'm fine, I'm fine!" You yell at a very uncomfortable Steve. You had tried to walk past him through the door three times now and he kept getting in your way. "I'm sorry (y/n), but I can't let you leave until I know you're not going to look for him." Steve said quietly,"I am most certainly going to look for him! I want to see him damn it!" You screamed, your voice cracking all over the place, tears streaming down your face. Steve simply pulled you into his arms pressing your head to his shoulder as you wept,"It's not his fault, it's not his fault." You rasped like a broken record into Steve's chest, the anger and strength trickling from you.

There was a knock on his door, but this time it wasn't Tony with his dinner, it was Steve. Bucky hadn't moved in hours and was sitting on his bed. Steve moved towards him and sat down,"Buck, you have to go see her, she's going ballistic. She won't eat. She's okay Buck. Her powers kept her bones from breaking." Steve tried to reason. Bucky looked at him, his eyes a clear blue, his face pale,"He wants to see me? Still?" Bucky whispered and Steve nodded.

You were so tired of being told no you thought you would scream. You looked down at the IV in your arm and yanked it out for the fourth time, you didn't want to sleep anymore. You wanted to see Bucky, to tell him it was okay, that you forgave him. You knew why he had reacted the way he did. When you reached the memories of Steve it triggered pain. HYDRA had tainted the memories of his best friend by associating them with excruciating pain. It angered you beyond belief. Just as you were about to try to make a run for it, past Tony who was sitting at an arm chair in your room there was a knock on the door. You looked up to see Steve, he walked a little ways into the room and whispered something to Tony. They both glanced at you and walked out. You raised yourself up with some effort and attempted to follow them, but you froze when you saw him in the doorway. He was pale and gaunt. His eyes sunken and his hair tangled, though you were sure your looked the same way.

"Bucky." You choked out, closing the distance between the two of you, wrapping your arms tightly around him, no longer being able to hold back tears as he pressed you into his chest and kissed the top of your head, his heart beating fast."I'm so sorry. (Y/n) I'm so so so sorry." He rambled and you shook your head,"Don't. Don't Bucky, it's not your fault, I forgive you. I love you." You say without thinking, and immediately tense up. Bucky takes you by both of your shoulders and backs you up so he can see you. "You- you love me." He stammers and you stare at him wide-eyed, unable to find words. He can't help but break into a smile and lift your chin up slightly, his lips finding yours easily. "I love you too (y/n)." He whispers, and you place your hands on each side of his face, letting out a breath you didn't know you had been holding,"And so we beat on." You murmur quietly, smiling against his lips.