January 3, 2016
I want to feel good enough
I want to be happy
Physically and fucking emotionally
I'm tired of over thinking and wanting to starve myself and then give in because my grandma went out of her way to make food. I want to be fucking pretty.
I want to be confident and I can't just fake it.
I've bought clothes that are good
I've done my makeup to look in the mirror even if I don't even leave my room. just to feel a little bit better.
it's such a fucking horrible thing I have to live by.
I stay home
literally with my grandma when all my friends are out.
kaija is living the dream and I'm so happy that's she's so fucking happy.. I wanna be as happy as her. I want to be her. she's so fucking perfect and I know deep down she's so fragile but I want have that almost like confidence. even if she thinks she has none. I love her so fucking much. she is my best friend even if she has someone else now.
Tatum is my best friend and she lives in California with her own friends so I can't do anything about it. she's my best friend too and a lot of people treat her like shit and she deserves none of it. I love these two the most out of everyone
I need them to fucking live. even if they don't need me.
I have alot of guys on my ass AND TGEYRE ALL UGLY LOOK HOW UNGRATEFUL I AM.
I also start my dream high school a week from tomorrow
everything is running through my head
what do I wear?
what do I say?
where do I sit?
should I use gum?
who do I go to lunch with?
what the fuck do I do.
I'm stressed out but that's okay because I know I'll be fine. I promise myself.
