Five times they had sex and one time they didn't

Five

So many things happened so fast in the last few hours that Barbara can't really say what she's feeling right now. There are no many emotions fighting to be stronger that her head aches.

She thinks of Wally, of how he was a good friend and how much she's gonna miss him, and she's sad. And she remembers Artemis and all that she found out and how everything went so wrong so fast, and she's heartbroken. And she thinks of Dick and how he lied to her, of how he had a huge plan under his sleeve that he never told her about, and she feels mad.

She notices his absence in the room and moves on the tower to find him. He's probably hiding, guilt again. And this time she might not want to correct him.

She opens the door to his designated room and stops at the scene she meets. He is on the corner, defeated, sobbing on his knee; his shoulders shake from the strength of his cries.

All of her anger dissolves as she makes her way over and knees in front of the broken man on the floor. He's so lost in his feelings he doesn't even notice her until she touches his hair.

"Dick?" She whispers and he looks at her, still full on crying. "Oh, Dick." It hurts seeing him like this. Every wall crumbles down as he cries over another loved one.

He hugs her then, so tight she feels the air leaving her. He's speaking nonsense to her hair and she can distinguish vague questions such as why him and when will I stop losing people and she realizes she's crying herself. This isn't fair. It's never been fair, but Dick has lost too many already.

They stay there, hugging and crying on the floor, for what feels like hours. He's a mess on her shoulders and she has no idea if there's anything she could say to make him feel better.

"Please don't leave, too." He says in a silent tone and she only understands because his voice is close to her ear.

How can she promise that? He's been her best friend for years, she's sure that nothing could really part them emotionally. But they're heroes, they run around in masks in the middle of the night fighting bad guys. How can one promise to not leave when that's a point to be taken?

"I won't." She says anyway. "I promise." She shouldn't, but she does. She won't leave him willingly, and she knows he needs to hear that right now.

She tries to move him to his bed, but he holds onto her and forces her to stay on the floor. "Don't go."

"Let's just go to the bed, Dick. You need to sleep."

He doesn't cooperate, but doesn't fight either. He's so out of himself it's like he's drunk. He isn't though, she can't smell anything in his breath.

"Babs..." He says as she helps him lie down. He pulls her with him and their faces fall almost together on the pillow. He touches her cheek slowly and looks at her eyes. "Can I..."

She nods and he moves his head the few inches that are keeping them apart. Their lips move slowly and uncertain, like they hadn't done it a thousand times before. They're both fragile right now and they don't want to make the mistake they made all of the other times. They can't pretend this is only physical, because it's not. It never is.

Barbara moves her hand down his chest, indicating that they can go further. She knows he'd never initiate like this, even though she can feel he wants it.

He pulls her closer and she lets herself get lost in her own emotions.

It's calm and slow and so unlike any other time she feels it's a first. He's not fine and she's not fine, so they compensate it with slow hands and lips and soft words that never were there before.

At some point, when she's almost reaching her peak, he murmurs that he loves her. It's so low and gentle she's not sure she isn't imagining it.

She takes a deep breath, sadness, relief and lust swirling around her, and before she can consider it, she says it back.

She wonders if this is a mistake. If these weird relationship they have is a mistake.

She finishes and he finishes with her, as his body collapses covering every bit of her skin, she realizes she doesn't care.

She does love him, and she's not letting him go.