Identity by Disorder

Chapter 4

I am not sure if I will ever understand it here. No one person makes sense to me. The fragile looking girl was confident. I do not think I will ever be comfortable here it has been six days. Six days of few conversations to anyone. Six days of small portions of meals because depression has grabbed my appetite and pulled it away to a dark alley where it has gotten torn and beaten. Six days of pills. Six days of avoiding the psychologist here. I do not yet know what I plan on doing today, it is far past noon and I have yet to leave my room. I have a need for socialization but yet, I cannot get myself to comprehend such a thing.

As I finally made it out into the recognizable recreational room I decided to smile today, at every person that walked past me. It was a new day after all. I once again saw the boy who hugged everyone, and so I proceeded to smile at him. He walked over. I couldn't breathe.

For a boy who had to have the largest room and we had to keep the windows open for, he gave the best hugs, if you had a nightmare he would more than likely hold you when you slept. How he overcame the mental challenge and began to hold people as tight as possible I will never understand but I admired him for it more than anything.

He gave me a hug, without any question, we had never spoken before yet the young man wrapped his snake like arms around my waist and held me. We both stopped breathing, I did not know how to react, therefor I didn't. I simply let my arms lie loose and strangely at my sides until he sat me down several seconds later.

He caught his breath and smiled, "The name is Steven," he said, "And you are?"

I was still confused about what was happening but proceeded to act as if this was all normal.

"My name is Jennifer," I slightly coughed in my sleeve before letting a smile settle on my face once again. "Jennifer Dohles."

Steven smiled in admiration, "You have not been here long I see miss Jennifer Dohles. Welcome to Grindstaff, I am sure you will enjoy your stay." He added a wink at the end.

Everything here was so, unexpected. All of these people here held a mental illness but did not cease to have a lively and kind personality, it was quite a pleasure to meet these people. Although I am still very perplexed I will keep my mouth shut until the time is right. I do not know much about this small society that abides in a place that authors write horror stories about, but it is far less terrifying than I would have expected. No piece of this puzzle quite fits together. It is a bin of uncolored crayons, an extremely unexpected scenario, you do not see the bright colors unless you take the chance to use them.

Steven stood staring at me with frightened eyes, and yet he made sure that he was smiling, it was as if there was something in his mind telling him to hide, that this place was too small for him. As his eyes got more clouded with fear as people began to walk in he gave me a wry smile before escaping to be near the window, the first place I had ever seen him.

I was no longer scared of Grindstaff, the name no longer shook my insides and made my legs tremble in dissatisfaction, it was simply another name to add into my journal. And as I walked back to my room to take a small nap as my depression had refused to sink I remembered one thing, things are not always as they may seem.