They're Made of Glass | SEVENTEEN

09 | batter up

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Jisoo's jacket smelled like cigarette smoke and cheap cologne. With each inhale, I found myself becoming more and more aware with the fact that my life - whether I was willing to accept it or not - was mostly built on lies and just more lies. It was during this time, during the slow ride to Nana's house, that I began questioning what I did to deserve this shitty life.

Seriously.

For almost a year now, I had given in to the idea that I could just start over with a sweep of my bangs. But hiding the scar on my forehead was only the start. After that came the name change, the adoption papers, the Invitational, and finally the idea of Hansol. Not even once did I even try to look for any signs of family that wanted me.

Inha wanted a girl she could control easily. Someone who wouldn't ask too many questions and get her a contract with Hansol's family, all while staying under her magical spell full of money and designer shoes.

I was nothing more than a pawn in Inha's game.

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"Well, this is home."

Nana's hand reached blindly for the wall as she reached down to take off her shoes. I followed her lead into the house, noticing that it was very dark and very empty. It was then I realized that I didn't really know that much about Nana besides the fact that she was Hoshi's sister and extremely wealthy. Somehow, I was expecting that just because Nana was this naturally good-natured person who let some random girl crash at her house, her home life would be much better than mine.

I was surprised to see her house was just as empty as mine.

"I'll go get you some clothes. Just...make yourself at home?" Nana smiled at me, squeezing my arm gently. After that, I lost her to the darkness.

"Nana?" My voice echoed through the house as I walked cautiously, my hand gliding against the wall for guidance. Nana had run off in her ginormous maze of a house, leaving me to find the lights on my own. Usually that wouldn't be a problem but it was pitch black in here. The I-can't-even-see-my-hand-in-front-of-me kind of dark.

A sudden vibration in the pocket of Jisoo's jacket startled me. The glare of my cellphone glowed faintly in the darkness, casting weird shadows on the walls as framed photos of Nana and Hoshi along with their parents on various family vacations appeared next to me. I found the lights as well thanks to my cellphone, but all I could focus on was the name flashing on the screen. It was a name that made a lump form in my throat.

It was as if I had forgotten how to breathe.

My lungs were burning and it felt like my throat was swelling up the way it did when I was experiencing an allergic reaction. I thought I would be able to handle myself if I just took some time off by myself to cool down. I was never expecting this. She played the part of a worried and concerned parent so well, I found myself second-guessing a lot of what Seokmin had said.

That's the scary thing about being alone. When you finally find someone to hold on to, you're willing to create any sort of excuse just to keep holding onto them. The idea of being alone again terrified me. I had run away from Inha, my temporary home, and now what?

What was I expecting now? Did I think that I would be able to find some secret relative that would be willing to take me in?

Despite the pain of being lied to, the pain of knowing that I was just as important to Inha as one of the department buildings her company owned, I still wanted to hold onto the idea that maybe she did care.