Please excuse all mistakes
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A mistake.
That's all I could think of as I stared down at my reflection in the river. A tear slid down my face as my head was bombarded with tons of thoughts from school to my personal life to why I was let go from my job last week. Everything was crashing down all at once and I didn't know how to gain control again.
I went to church regularly and still felt nothing I walked by people who claimed to care for me thousands of time and not one of them actually think to wonder if Karmah is Really okay or just faking it.
"Hey there Young lady?" A elderly black woman who looked to be to old to be at the park said walking up to me. "Are you ok?" She asked as she slowly made her way down the hill once she seen me quickly trying to dry my tears. I quickly stood up clearing my throat "Hey uhh ma'am. How can I help you?" I asked trying to act as normal as possible and hide my depressed spirit.
I met her half way down so she didn't have to walk the whole way and helped her take a seat as she requested. "Sit down with me darling." She said patting the grass beside her. I hesitantly did what she said feeling uncomfortable beside a women I did know from eve right before I was crying myself a pity party.
"So you feeling down huh darling?" She asked after we sat in silence for about ten minutes my mind going a mile a minute and her watching me and my every move. Shocked by her sudden outburst I shook my head quickly "No ma'am I'm fine ! What made you think that?" I asked getting anxious by her question. "Girl you do not have to lie to me." She stated I shook my head "No. I'm -" before I could finish she cut me off "I didn't know why I was here or I why I felt so compelled to come to this park in the middle of the week. But I see now." She said patting my back softly.
"Karmah, Girl you are putting yourself through all this stress and worrying for what? You don't have to kill yourself to earn some attention, just keep pushing through and don't give up. You are being put through this for a reason. It's not just because God wants too. This is all baby steps towards a greater future. This is your story being made so roll with it ! It's going to be tough and its going to get worse but always remember there is a sun hiding behind every storm cloud. You are not alone Karmah, never forget that. Express yourself and continue to live your life." She said while softly rubbing my back.
I broke down. I broke down in shaking sobs until my eyes wouldn't allow another tear to be pushed out. I felt like everything was coming together and I could finally understand. I hadn't really cried in about three weeks because I promised myself I wouldn't cry another tear for her and I won't.
Once I had got myself together I sat and thought. Thought about every blue moon, every wrong thing I've done and every wrong thing others have done to me. Somewhere in my train of thought that lady got up and left Without another word or explanation and two hours later when the sun was starting to set I to got up and left to go back to face my troubles and deal with my problems.
No more running.
The next day -
I awoke in my bed feeling better than I've ever felt in years. My family was all out of town for the week and I had a job interview today for the cashier position at publix. I went down stairs to make a bowl of oatmeal and toast. Checking the time it was 11:30am and my interview was at three. I was on the couch watching my regular morning episodes of spongebob when I received a text from a unknown number
"I know your secret from Oakland and now everyone else does to"
"Oh my God"Is all I could think as I reread the message over and stared at the attached picture of me at the oakland insane asylum when I was 12. Nobody should know what happened in Oakland but my father, Tarah, and my brother so how did someone else find out?
I sat stunned to the world. My life was truly a hell. Sighing loudly I got up and got ready for my interview. There's no use in crying about it and no reason to go into my usual deep depression. It's time to make moves. No more running.
A few hours later -
I aced the job interview and was getting paid 9.50/hour which is two dollars more than what I made at my last job. I start next week on Tuesday and I'm actually looking forward to it.
Between the time I got that picture to now , I've gotten about a thousand unknown text messages of hate from everyone except my sister who only texted to check on me but I never responded. It's funny because I found out nobody really knows why I was in there they just know that I went and that's what makes them wanna send those nasty hate messages.
It's best that I get away from all this drama and negativity in my life but I want to do it the clean way. No running away or moving schools. I'm just going pick up some online classes as well as take more of my day to day classes to get my diploma earlier then I'll pick one of the colleges I've already been accepted in and leave town with no one having to know but my close relatives, meaning my mother and father.
Things are going to change sooner than they think. I need a fresh start.
