July 21, 2002
"Come on Myles, you can do this." I muttered to myself. "How hard is it to keep your hands off one seventeen year old girl? Even with those eyes and that smile, and- dammit, focus!" Mina was seventeen, that was the only thing that was holding me in check. I had to be some kind of depraved pedophile, a cradle snatcher preying on a vulnerable young girl.
At least I hadn't preyed on her yet. Even if I had shown up at her house to take care of her, I'd managed to keep some semblance of respectability so far. There was just something about that girl that made me want to do some things that were definitely illegal in the state of Washington. I checked my watch again; five minutes until her lesson started, and she was always on time. Not thirty seconds had ticked by before there was a soft knock on the door. I stood up to let her in, my free hand clenching into a fist to keep from reaching out for her.
She was wearing a pink tank top and shorts with a lacy jacket over it. I hoped it wasn't too obvious that my eyes were glued to her legs. It was difficult to not physically smack myself in the forehead to bring my attention back to what I was supposed to be teaching her. That's all I was: her teacher. There was nothing else I could be to her, and as long as I kept that thought in mind, I would be fine. I lifted my guitar back onto my lap to start the review of what we'd gone over during the last lesson. She still didn't seem to have the hang of the vibrato, a fact that was cemented when she snapped a string. The yelp she let out sounded like it had really hurt.
"Ow, crap!" She shook her hand as if it would make the pain go away. "That's the second time that's happened!" I scooted my chair forward to take a look at her hand. She let me take it, examining the back of it where the string had whipped across the skin.
"It didn't break the skin but it's probably gonna hurt like hell." I said, letting her hand drop. Had I held it any longer things would have gotten weird.
"It already does." She cradled her injured hand against her chest. She looked a little like a wounded bird I'd found in my backyard when I was a kid. I'd wanted to take the bird home and take care of it, too.
"You're putting too much tension on the string. Watch me." I showed her again, my hands not betraying me for once. "We'll restring your guitar later, but for now just use mine." I handed over my guitar after she moved hers back into the case. She tried again and didn't snap the string, but the guitar made a strangled noise. I let out an exasperated sigh and moved her sideways so I could fit behind her on the couch, putting my arms around her to cover her hands on the strings. I showed her how much pressure to put on the strings before putting my hands on my knees to let her try. They'd nearly landed on her hips but I managed to move them away at the last moment. She played it perfectly for the first time.
"I did it!" She turned her head slightly to grin at me over her shoulder. My eyes were focused on her mouth, curved into that beautiful smile. I could only imagine what her lips would feel like on mine.
Illegal, that's what they'd feel like. No sooner had that thought crossed my mind when there was a loud bang outside their door and we jumped apart. Mikko was cursing and yelling at Jeremy. The little prick probably deserved it; from what Mikko was saying, it sounded like he'd knocked over something expensive. I took the opportunity to move back to my chair. I had very nearly lost my resolve a moment ago. Both of us cleared our throats and shuffled our feet awkwardly until Mina mumbled, "Guess I should restring my guitar." She pulled out a pack of strings from her case and replaced the string she'd broken. I got up to check on Mikko and Jeremy. He had broken something rather expensive but since I was neither the manager nor the owner, there wasn't anything I could do. Being outside of that close room helped a little. The perfume she wore was starting to addle my brain.
When she'd hugged me in her living room, it had taken everything I had to not kiss her right then and there. Sheer force of will was the only thing keeping me from breaking her trust in me. Thankfully I seemed to be a lot more stubborn than I gave myself credit for. By the time I came back into the room, I was a lot calmer and ready to continue the lesson. For a while, I just let her play random things so she could practice vibrato. She seemed to have it down a lot better now. I could see the small smile of satisfaction on her face every time she nailed it. If she was anything like her dad, I was sure she'd be an amazing guitar player one day.
The lesson ended sooner than I would have liked, but it was probably for the best that she left. I wanted to put my arms around her and bury my face in her hair, but I also wanted to lock her in my bedroom for a week. Neither of those were appropriate and neither were things I should be thinking, but God, I was.
"I'll see you Wednesday." She said, gathering her things to leave. She was off the crutches now thankfully. I think she lacked the coordination to navigate properly with them, and God knows her mother didn't understand her physical limitations with them. What kind of mother berates her child for an accidental injury? Maybe this was just some misguided urge to protect her from her mother. I could hope that that was all this was, but deep down in my heart, I knew that was a lie.
"Mina?" I didn't know how I'd gotten up from my chair or how I'd ended up so close to her, but here I was, trapping her between my body and the door. She looked up at me, hazel eyes wide in surprise, her pink mouth hanging open slightly. I hesitated for just a moment before my resolve shattered and I kissed her. It was rougher than I would have liked, but she felt as good as I thought she would. One hand came up to cradle the back of her head. Her hair felt like silk sliding through my fingers. Had her guitar case not thumped against the door, I think I never would have stopped. The noise startled me away from her and we stared at each other for a moment. The deer in the headlights look on her face felt like a bucket of cold water had been dumped over my head. She bolted out of the back room and shouted a goodbye to Mikko, the shop door's bell jangling wildly as she burst through it.
I closed the back room door and sank onto the couch, head in my hands. What did I just do? And why did I do it? The logical part of me told me it was because I was wildly attracted to her and that I'd just kissed her. The part of me that was the minister's kid could only dwell on the fact that I had essentially just assaulted a seventeen year old girl with some rather serious emotional issues. And while I felt bad about that, I could still taste her on my lips. I wanted more than just that one taste and I knew I could never get it, and should never get it.
In the fifteen minute gap between her lesson and the next, I'd come up with a plan. I would go apologize to her tomorrow. She'd told me that her mom went to work around nine every morning. I didn't have lessons until eleven tomorrow. I'd go over and tell her I was sorry and that I'd made a mistake and then I'd pray that I hadn't completely fucked her up. What if my stupid mistake kept her from coming back to lessons? I still wanted to be able to see her and she had such great potential. I hoped I hadn't made her so uncomfortable that she wouldn't come back.
"You are one seriously fucked up dude, Kennedy." I muttered to myself, getting the room ready for the next lesson. I didn't have time to dwell on her, as much as I'd like to. Keeping her in the context of the classroom was the only way I could survive. Definitely no more fantasizing and no more staring. She was seventeen years old and based on the way she'd looked at me, I highly doubted she wanted me to kiss her.
What a mess I'd made.
