The Truth Runs Wild

Part 1

"Gay." That word terrified 13 year old Connor. Why wouldn't it? They're shunned. They're not normal. They're going to hell. He's heard everything out there about gay people, but not many, were good things. He had no choice but to accept these ideas, well if he were to be normal. Connor only knew one gay person. Troye Sivan. "He came out when he was 11 and he's fine so why wouldn-NO!" Connor yelled to himself. He denied every thought that came to his head about anything gay related. "I'm normal" Connor whimpered as he attempted to fall asleep.

Connor's gone out with a lot of girls, well as many as a 13 year old can go out with. He's kissed many. But, nothing. No spark, no butterflies. He tried, really hard to like girls because he never wanted to accept the fact that he wasn't normal. He didn't want to have to think about coming out to his parents and the never ending fear of not knowing how they'd take it. He didn't want to admit to himself that, for 13 years, he wasn't being true to himself. If not being himself is what it took to be accepted, well then who's Connor because it's not him.

Troye is that shy kid that you want to be friends with but he's happy being quiet so you feel as if you shouldn't intrude. Well I say 'quiet'. He's quiet off-stage but on stage he's, Troye. If you talk during his performance you must have problems because you'd miss out on his angelic voice. 

                         Next Day                                  

The day was going by excruciatingly slow. Connor hated math. He had more of a knack for creative subjects like writing. He had some overdue work to finish before the end of the period and he was hating everything. He was sitting at the front of the class so he couldn't even ask people for help or Mr. Lawley would fail him. Troye, who was in the other side of the room, was writing a song as per usual. He loved writing almost as much as Connor. 'Heaven' he called his work in progress. 

"Students, everyone please partner up. Six groups of two." Everyone got into their groups besides Connor and Troye. Connor was too focused on his work to hear, as was Troye. "Mr. Lawley, those two don't have partners!" Grace yelled from across the room. Connor was too scared to fully look up from his work with the whole room staring at him. Troye, on the other hand couldn't care less. He was into his song. "Well then, I guess Connor and Troye can just work together" Mr. Lawley said staring at Connor. 

Connor looked at Troye with wide eyes whilst Troye looked back with a squinty grin. "Ooo, he's cute Troye" Zoe said. "Shut up," Troye muttered, now forcefully smiling at Connor. Troye walked towards Connor and sat next to him. Not a word. A thirty minute class and not one word from either of them. "WHY DID I GET PAIRED WITH THE GAY GUY. THIS IS NOT HELPING MY CASE. NOW EVERYONE IS GOING TO THINK I'M LIKE HIM UGH!" Connor yelled to himself.

The rest of the day went by fast thank god, Connor just wanted to get home and think. As soon as last bell rung Connor sprinted to his locker. "Come on, come on, open" Connor muttered. "Hey! Connor"

"Fuck." "Oh Hey Troye" Connor said. "Do you think you can come over to work on the project?" Troye asked. Connor started sweating. What if people saw them walking home together? What if someone starts a rumor? "Uh-um I-I have to call my m-om first.." He stuttered. "Okay sure" Troye said. 

Connor's mom said yes, sucks for Connor.

Troye's room looks exactly how you think it looks. Dark with a few fairy lights by the bed. Very pretty. The boys sat on opposite sides of the bed. There was silence in the room, besides Troye's whispered swears as he continued 'Heaven' and couldn't think of lyrics.

Finally, Connor broke the silence. "So....h-how was it coming out?" Connor asked. Troye kept writing. "Were y-ou scared?" Troye kept writing. "H-how did your parents react, were they mad?" Troye kept writing. Connor sat next to Troye. "T-troye?" Connor asked nervously. "Do you think you're... you know.. gay?" Troye asked suddenly. "Uh.." Connor had sweat darting from his forehead. "W-wha-" "I said do you think you might be gay?" Troye interrupted. Connor stared at Troye with blank eyes, his throat now in need of water. "Okay here, let's see" Troye said. He moved around so that they'd be face to face. Troye then pecked Connor on the lips. As Troye tried to pull away he felt Connor pull back. Troye loved Connor's lips. A few seconds and they already feel like home. "Yup" Troye thought. 

Connor felt it. He felt the spark, he felt the butterflies. He still would not allow himself to admit that to himself. Yet here he was, kissing a guy, and loving it, but not accepting what he is. Troye had to pull away to breathe. 

"So does this mean you're-?" Troye hesitantly asked. Connor looked away, eyebrows ruffled. "No. Let's get back to the project, NOW please." "Connor it's okay, you'll be okay" Troye said with a progressively softer voice. "Yeah I know I will be, because I'm straight" Connor said. "Connor-" "Can we just get back to work?" Connor said, now aggravated. He picked up Troye's song journal thinking it was his notebook and got back to his side of the bed. Troye was still staring at the place Connor was sitting with worried eyes. 

"Uh wait this isn't my notebook" Connor said as he read through it. As he read through Troye's songs he was slightly smiling at the corny, but cute love lyrics. "Heaven, what's this about?" Connor said to himself. "The truth runs wild," Connor read. He stared at the lyrics which seemed to be burning a hole through his soul. "What if I am..? Have I been lying to myself?" "But if I am is it that bad. If a boy and girl kiss, and they feel the same way as when I kiss a boy is it not...the same? If a boy and girl kiss, and they feel the same way I did about Troy-*GASP* NO NO NO. YOU DO NOT LIKE A BOY. YOU ARE NORMAL! I LIKE GIRLS!! ZOE IS KIND OF CUTE. YOU ARE NORMAL!!" He looked up at Troye. "But. If this, feeling isn't normal? Maybe, I...don't want to be?" Connor looked at the lyric again. He smiled. "The truth runs wild."