The room was dark.
A purple haze filled the air.
He exhaled a thick, plush cloud of Cheshire. His lungs burned from the cheap mix of chemicals, his eyes stung from crying. He leaned back against his headboard and stared at the pictures of his beloved both photographed and sketched by his own hand. He sighed as he took another drag and made small rings with the discarded smoke.
He placed the cigarette in the ashtray bedside his bed. He breathed deep as his hands wrapped around the neck of his guitar. He pulled it into his lap as he positioned himself at the edge of his bed. He strummed the guitar carefully, before playing chord after chord to complete his song. As he played he began to sing softly to himself, the words materializing from the air. He wrote them down. Despite the business of his mind, his heart still ached.
She'd been away for several weeks and he missed her. His heart beat, but he was not truly alive when he was away from her. She was his world, his everything. Now she was gone. But, he would not think about that.
The song was for her. She had asked him so many times to write her a song, and he always put it off. He knew she would be there when he was in the mood to write it. Now he knew nothing. He was hopelessly in the dark, now all he had was time. To burn. To kill. He worked on the song continuously stopping only to smoke and drink and every now and then pass-out. He hoped that by the time he finished it she would be back and in his arms. And once she was he would never let her go.. He'd finally get the courage to marry her and like he had planned from the first time he saw her.
He slumped over the guitar, his hand absent-mindedly reaching for the cigarette in the ashtray. He brought it to his lips as a knock vibrated through the room. He jumped causing him to choke on the smoke. "Come in!" his coughs making the words close to indecipherable. The door opened exposing the dank room to the light it had missed for a while. Kyala looked around the uncharacteristically dingy, dirty room. Clothes and dishes--all of which were filthy--littered the floor and furniture. She choked slightly on the noxious mix of smoke and other various odors.
She cleared her throat, eyeing him carefully trying to hide her outrage at his helplessness. "What is all of this, Miles? You haven't left your room in weeks. This room is in shambles. Why, this isn't you," Kyala asked him, her small frame communicating she was not going to take any BS. "Everything I do is all for her. I left this room to keep her company, watch her back, keep her safe. Now that I can no longer do any of that, there is no reason to leave" Miles took another drag of his cigarette, put it in the ashtray, and laid back on the bed. "So you neglect your body and live in filth because you are heartbroken?" Kyala said her annoyance showing in her voice. "Kyala, leave me alone. i'm okay, alright!" Miles sighed knowing she would not understand.
Kyala sighed and asked him,"Miles, are you okay?" She leaned in the doorway. She looked at him with soft eyes. He looked into those giant orbs she called eyes, but he resisted the calm they offered. He wanted to hurt, he wanted to mourn his lost love. He wanted to lament. Kyala walked into the room and sat on the bed beside him.
He looked away from her and turned on his side. "yeah, that's all I can be when she's not with me" Miles finally spoke melancholy. Kyala placed her hand on his bare back. "She'll be back, you know she'll come back to you" Kyala said fighting the urge to embrace him.
Miles lifted himself and turned to her taking her hands in his. Her heart jumped. She could see that he had been crying to the point that his eyes were red and he had dark circles and bags around his eyes. His hair had grown longer, it fell into his eyes and curled at the base of his jaw. He looked into her eyes and asked her, "Will she? There are so many variables that no one can say what will happen, and when have we ever known her to be predictable?" He was looking for doubt in her heart, something to validate his fears. There was none.
Kyala breathed deep and squeezed his hand. "She loves you that's all you need to know" she spoke staring directly into his eyes. He slouched forward as if something in him had broken. He suddenly wrapped his arms around her, his face on her shoulder. His tears staining her dress. his grip on her was so tight that she felt her ribs bending.
"I miss her, it hurts. It's been so long since I've been without her I have no idea how to live without her. Do you know what that is like, do you?" he continued weeping, unashamed. She held him. She began to say something to him, but then thought better of it. She said instead, "no... no I don't" Miles lifted his head tears still poured down his face. Kyala wiped away his tears with her thumb, a loving look on her face. Her hand lingering on his jaw.
Miles tears suddenly stopped. His breathing calmed. He put his hand on top of her smaller one, a smile finding his lips. They stared into each others eyes, both saying nothing. He brushed her cheek gently with the back of his hand. Her heart thudded. "Hey kid, I hope you never do. I hope you find someone who makes you happy and that you'll never feel this." She looked away from him. He mistook her sadness for shyness, he didn't see her pain.
"Hey, i'll leave you to your playing, okay" she said cheerily giving him a saccharine smile. She moved away from him quickly. He grabbed her arm and looked at her with solid eyes, "You want to go get some ice cream?" he asked her a small smile lighting his face. She swallowed her tears and merely nodded her head, hoping she looked happy. "okay give me a few hours to get... clean" he smiled at her. He let her go, but before she could get through the door he said "You know, you're like the sister I wish I had. I'm glad you are in my life," she paused in the doorway. Her hope and her heart shattered. She quickly gathered the pieces and left the room.
She left that room more broken than she had been in years. She took her pride and headed to her room, she tried so hard not to burst into tears on her way there. She walked her head down her fist clenched. Hatori came out of a door way, "Hey, Kyala!" he spoke to her, but she continued on without a word. He looked after her, "you okay?" She stopped, but didn't turn to look at him. "Miles is taking us out for ice cream, he should be ready in the next few hours", she said before continuing her journey.
She had made it to her room, board, and haven. she walked through the threshold and shut the door behind her. She fell against the door. Her lungs felt tight, her heart ached horribly. Her insides felt as though they were about to be ripped out. She breathed in deep and slow trying to call herself. But the more she tried to calm herself the worse it got.
She felt a tear fall down her face and she just let go. She slid down the door her legs no longer able to support her and her burden. She silently screamed as tears fell down her cheeks she wanted to throw something. Hit something. Break something. But at the same time she had no strength left. Not to stand. Not to hit something. Not to break something. She could only sit there and cry helplessly.
As she sat there she felt a wry smile spread across her face. Here he was hoping she would live happily ever after, but it was him who was damning her to loneliness. How ironic. How fucking ironic. She would have her heart stolen by a man who think of her as a little sister.
She would not be the kindly little sister anymore, it was time for her to grow up.
