Live Again

Chapter 1

Today was not a good day I guess... I did it again...I didn't want to but I couldn't help it, I needed it. It makes me feel better. I saw them in the hallway. They were talking and laughing. It's getting harder and harder to see them. Why can't I move on? Why can't they apologize? Don't they see I'm slowly dying on the inside?

This is what my life has be come, me sitting in my room alone, closed off from the world. These days I liked being by myself. Before, though I had to be around people. Now being alone made me happy, even though I actually wasn't, I just told myself I was. I wasn't like this a couple months ago, but what can I tell you? Life happens. It comes in the worst possible moments to give you a kick in the ass and you can't stop it, no matter how much you try. I hear my door open and my mom walks in smiling.

"Me and your dad are going to your aunts for a little bit." She says. I smile but on the inside I panic. Scared to think what I could do while they aren't here.

"Can I come with you?" I ask. They're probably going to go see my cousin Trevor. He's 6 and he's disabled. We are extremely close with my aunt. My cousin Andrea is basically my sister. We grew up together.

"Sure." She says. We get into the car and drive over. When we get there we just hang out for a while. I catch up with Andrea and spend time with Trevor and soon we start to head home. On the way home we stop by the store where my mom works. It's right next to our house so we always do our shopping there. Me and my mom go our separate ways in the store, to go find what we need. I'm turning a corner near and aisle and I run right into a hard chest and fall to the ground. I get irritated because everything I was carrying falls right along with me. I look up about to lay into this guy for not watching where he is going, but I stop because I look into the most beautiful green eyes I've ever seen.

"I am so sorry. I should've been paying attention to where I was going." The stranger says as he helps me up.

"That's okay." I say embarrassed because he's extremely attractive.

"My names Adam." He says extending his hand to shake mine. I grasp his hand and lightly shake his hand.

"I'm Rose. Nice to meet you." I shake his hand and look him up and down smiling. He is very attractive with shaggy brown hair and green eyes. He has a nice chiseled jaw, broad shoulders and big arms. He has on a light grey tee that hugs his muscles and black joggers on. yum. 

"Do you by chance go to West Bethany High?" He asks pulling his hand from mine, I instantly miss the contact. 

"Yeah! Why?" I ask curious.

"I'm actually transferring there next week," He says. "I just moved here from Seattle." I feel butterfly's in my stomach and my heart starts to race with excitement.

"Wow thats exciting." I say. "When do you start?"

"Tuesday." He says smiling at me. I smile back and we just stand there smiling at each other for a minute. I clear my throat breaking the moment.

"We should exchange numbers or do you have a Snapchat? So when I get to West Bethany we can meet up and hang out." He says. I smile and look down.

"Okay." I give him my Snapchat and a second later my phone vibrates notifying me that he added me.

"Well I have to go...my mom is probably wondering where I went." I say. He gets a disappointed look but quickly covers it with a smile.

"Okay. I hope we have classes together." He says.

"Me too. See you Tuesday." I say as I walk away. I look back and see him watching me go smiling. I smile and wave bye. I meet my mom at the check out line. When we get home I do homework really quick and then take a shower. When I lay in bed I call my cousin Alex. Who I am also very close with, I call her to tell her what happened.

"He sounds into you, you should try and get at him" She says.

"I highly doubt it, have you seen me? I'm fat and even Chris didn't want me so..." I say trailing off. I hear Alex sigh

"Rose you are beautiful and have the best personality, when are you going to believe that" Alex says. I don't know how to believe that all I see when I look in the mirror is fat rolls and not a flat stomach like her. We get off the phone in a minute and I fall asleep thinking about Adam and for the first time in two months, I'm looking forward to school again.
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The next morning I wake up early and get ready really fast. I put on leggings and a grey, long sleeve shirt. I put my hair in a ponytail and do minimal make up. With the way things have been with myself lately I've stopped trying to look cute for school. I gave up. When I get to school I go to the cafeteria to see my friends. Everyone is there and talking. I sit down and start taking to my friend Sam.

"Did you study for the anatomy quiz?" She asks me. I gasp because I forgot and I can't go take it not knowing anything.

"Shit no I totally forgot!" I say panicking. " I'll just skip and go to the coffee shop down the road. Did you study?" I ask.

"Yeah. I'll tell you what's on it to help you study for it." She says: I smile at her. Sam is one of my coldest friends. She has been there for me when I felt like no one was. Shes fairly new and has been there for me lately, although she doesn't know the demons in my head she knows about the demons that hurt me.

I skip and go to the coffee shop. Ever since my problems started I've been getting into the habit of skipping a lot because I don't want to be at school. When class is over I walk back to school. Before I know it, it's my last class...with them. It's getting harder and harder for me to have a class with them every other day and see them together, rubbing it in my face. They don't even have the decency to get off each other in front of me. They are a big part of why I am like this now. There are other problems in my life especially with my family and having my self esteem put down for years by my classmates but they triggered something in me I never thought would happen. I walk up to the class and I see then standing there together, talking and laughing. I feel a big wave of pain go through my body. It's the kind of pain that just sits in your chest and you can't cry. It's a suffocating pain, and I want to do the thing I know I shouldn't do, but I can't help it. Just wait till after school and it'll be alright. It's okay, it's okay, it's okay. I repeat to myself over and over again till the pain subsides. Just 90 more minutes...90 more minuets.