Minutes 'till Midnight [#JA2k16]

only minutes until midnight

8:17 pm || Dec. 31st

New year. New me.

That's the one thing I keep chanting over and over in my head. I've been looking forward to New Years for a while. Tonight when the clock strikes twelve I'll finally be able to let go of all that has occurred this year. As the chimes and cheers fill the air I can let myself feel the pain and loss from the year before wash off into a clean slate.

I'll be allowed to forget.
Forget everything.
Forget him.
Forget Shawn.

He was the one I loved, the one of whom I thought would be my forever and always. It turns out he didn't feel the same. I simply was unable to provide the connection he aspired to have. Combine that with the pressures of his once in a lifetime chance at a world tour, and there you have a relationship time bomb. Ticking down. Minute by minute. Second by second. And before you can prepare yourself it all explodes in a fiery inferno, obliterating all in a hundred mile radius. Our love was disintegrated, more so his rather than mine.

It all was a mere two months ago, and I can't say I've fully healed from the repercussions. Now's my chance though. I'm going to move on. I'm going to forget. I'm going to restore my lost happiness. No thanks to the world's beloved performer, Shawn Mendes.

10:42 pm || Dec. 31st

"You look perfect." I whispered quietly to myself as an unfamiliar image stared back from the mirror before me.

"You are Lacey Marx and you look beautiful." I repeated this single verse over and over, trying to honestly convince myself it's true. I hadn't dressed like this since Shawn took me to his last red carpet appearance before we split. Back when everything seemed to be like heaven on earth. I had felt like I was on cloud nine, that evening was unforgettable. At the awards after party Shawn and I danced that night away.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, cleansing my mind of the memories.

I was going to have an astounding New Year's Eve, even if I am spending it alone.

11:28 pm || Dec. 31st

I think I had one too many drinks.

I was sitting on my couch, sipping small amounts of wine from the glass in my hand. The lights in my apartment were dimmed while Dick Clark's New Years Rockin' Eve played on the tv.

But the next thing I know, I'm sitting on my dark hardwood floors surrounded by pictures and article clippings of Shawn and I. My heels had been tossed elsewhere and the bottle of wine long emptied.

So much for forgetting.

No matter how hard I tried I couldn't get those deep chocolate eyes and curled brown locks out of my scrambled mind. His laugh was on replay and was the only source of mock living happiness in the chilled air. I leaned my back against the couch and closed my eyes, trying to magically sober myself up.

I pushed my mess of a body off the floor and padded into the kitchen, grabbing a clean glass and downing water like there's no tomorrow.

11:51 pm || Dec. 31st

My head is finally slightly cleared from its alcohol infused haze and there's a dull ache laying in its midst. I had already picked up the scattered pictures one by one, and placed them back in their respective box before shoving it right back under my bed. My heart clenching ever so slightly as I did so.