Silence is the Biggest Lie

01 - you're not the same.

song of the chapter: girls like girls by hayley kiyoko

♡ ♡ ♡

She's beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. And although I'm bored out of my mind watching her read a textbook over and over again, at least I can admire how amazingly beautiful she really is.

"Ivory, can we please do something other than studying?" I ask my girlfriend, who's sitting at her desk with a textbook in her hand. She's spinning herself around in her desk chair.

"Jas, you're not even studying." She points to my untouched backpack that's on the floor, leaning against the bed. "And what do you wanna do?"

I shrug. "Smoke."

She just shakes her head.

"C'mon, Ives," I complain. Ives is my nickname for her. She doesn't like it, but I still call her that and I don't know why. "I've already studied for this stupid history test. It's bullshit. I'm gonna fail anyways."

She doesn't reply. Lately, she never replies to anything. I'm thinking that maybe she doesn't want to say anything because she doesn't want to hurt my feelings.

She's made it clear to me that I act sensitive all the time. I don't believe her. My feelings never get hurt. I want her to talk to me, but I guess she thinks I have other things to be hurt about.

Like maybe my dead best friend.

"Alright then. Suit yourself," I tell her, getting up and grabbing my backpack. "If you don't wanna talk to me or even acknowledge that I'm here, I'll be on my way."

Whenever I think about my best friend Gabby, I try and push the thought to the back of my head. It's not that I'm in denial anymore, it's just that I believe I shouldn't think about it.

If my own girlfriend is boring enough to make me think about a dead person, then it's my time to get the fuck out of there.

"I'm gonna go hang with Dominick. Maybe he'll smoke with me. His stuff is a lot stronger than mine, anyways," I add.

Dominick is an acquaintance of mine. We only talk because we like making bad decisions together.

"Baby, wait," she calls after me as I'm headed towards the door. I'm kind of relieved and kind of irritated.

"What?" I say, turning around and meeting her light green eyes. She looks so great, but I don't like her at all right now.

She sets her textbook down and stands up. "There's something I need to tell you." She interlocks her fingers and stares at me guiltily. All I can focus on his how gorgeous she is. Her brown hair brushes her shoulders as she moves towards me. I stare at her figure. She's rather small, but still perfect.

"I don't know if you want to sit down or not. I'm sure you'll be out the door once I'm done with the first sentence."

I sit down anyways. She wants me to, and I'd do anything for her. "Why is that? What happened?" I ask. I try not to overthink this. Maybe she's telling me she wants to be sober. I can accept that...

It takes her a long time to think about what she's going to say. She's pacing back and forth in front of me. Whatever it is, I don't know if I want to hear it. It's definitely worse than wanting to stop smoking, I assumed.