Help Line

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***This is a short story I wrote.

HELP: Hi my name is Stephanie, how can I help you?

CALLER: Hello Stephanie, how are you?

HELP:I'm good but lets talk about why you called this help line dear. What's bothering you?

CALLER:That is a wonderful question. I wish I could say that I knew the answer but, like any suicidal teen I'm done trying to figure it out.

HELP:Can we talk about what you're feeling? Are you comfortable with that?

CALLER:Couldn't hurt, I guess. Hmmm how do I put this in words. Trapped, empty, sad, lost. Probably the same shit you hear all day.

HELP:Well that's not good. You wanna tell me a bit about your life, what has made you feel this way?

CALLER:How can you do this for a living? Listening to pitiful teens spill their frantic life stories and then be able to pick up the pieces of their shattered existence. Or can you? You can't save everyone, can you?

HELP: As true as that is, I try to save everyone. So, can I help you? Will you let me?

CALLER: Helping over the phone does about as much as putting a gun on safety from miles away. For all you know I could have taken pills and am now waiting for them to take effect or sitting here with a gun in hand and there you sit, healthy, sane, to go home to your kids. Am I right? Do you have kids?

HELP:That is private information. Lets get back to talking about you. Have you taken pills or have a gun?

CALLER: I bet you do have kids, you seem like a good mom. Figured you wouldn't want to talk about them. (laugh) I bet, you love them very much, like a parents should. Tell me, have they ever had anything mentally wrong with them?

HELP:Do you believe there is something mentally wrong with you?

CALLER: ( laughs) beliefs?! Beliefs are nonsense!

HELP:Well.... You believe that beliefs are nonsense. Tell me, have you tried to turn to God? He is always here for us in our time of--

CALLER:Need?! God has done nothing for me. Where was he when I grew so weak from lack of sleep that I passed out in the bathroom at school? Where was he when the world decided that I wasn't worth its time? Where was he when I unsuccessfully slit my wrists? What did I see in death you may be wondering? Nothing, I saw darkness, not quite as dark as this world though. No God! No God with outstretched arms, white light, sweet heaven. I was retrieved to be just as blind. You still wanna hear my damn beliefs?!

HELP:Yes.

CALLER:I believe it is wrong to beat your children if you do not wish for them to beat back in what little ways they can. I believe it is wrong that "God" has created me as a mockery of beauty. I believe it is wrong that I am never allowed to forget my past. I believe it is wrong to pretend I am fine while my life crumbles around me, my heart caving in on itself, my hope diminishing. I believe it is wrong to be treated with indifference. I believe it is unfair, but inevitable that I may be one you cannot save.

HELP: Let me help you. You need not retreat with your tail between your legs to a Godless world. There is light if you want there to be.

CALLER:Light like the flash of a gun as it cusses sparks. The only light I know is in the reflexion of a knife, the yellow'd colour of pills, the fray at the tip of the noose, the white bubble breaths at the bottom of the pool, the sink like a canvas against crimson paint, and the silver stove burners.

HELP: I am tracing this call now, the police are on their way. Please stay on the line with me, keep talking to me.

CALLER: I just realized you never told me if you had kids. Do you love your kids Stephanie? I bet you would never ignore your children like my parents ignore me.

HELP: I'm sure your parents don't ignore--

CALLER:Love is a disease to them, something which must be found and terminated. I have to go now Stephanie.

HELP: No, please stay, I can help. Lets just talk.

CALLER: The time for talking was years ago mum.

HELP:Wait Don't hang up! ...... what did you just--

CALLER:( Bang)

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