The beginning of relaity

As I'm looking down the cold air is picking away at my pale white skin I'm closing my eyes and i think about the things that used to matter the most, the things I used to have. I feel my body leaning, then with one last thought comes one last tear, i fall and my body's is cutting through the air like a blade on my skin. I think about you, and how cruel you were. How no human could do such a thing and those thoughts fill my head, their yelling at me from all directions! They won't stop. Nor can I end them. My body hits the ground, shattering, just like my heart. And the pain. It's gone, I feel nothing

. I'm ok.

Everything's gone everything I used to have but then I thought maybe this is reality, maybe it's normal. Maybe I just needed to wake up, and I find myself lying in my bed another day I have to live, with the pain still remaining from the day before something I like to call my past. I live in the future I can leave my past behind and forget the truth the only thing that remains still with me. But I guess Im just lost, lost in a world I don't fit in. All I want is for someone to talk to me, ask me what's wrong. You, that's all I want. The only guy who can make me happy, but I feel although you have given up on me and you are hiding from my problems, you don't wanna deal with me and help me with my problems for they are mine now and I shall take them up upon my own hands.the words I repeat everyday, hoping some day things will get better.

I stand up fixing at my hair, braiding it over to one side, still talking to myself then I sit down again. As I'm looking down at my blank page I think about something to write. But the pages their so beautiful, white and soft. I'm just scared of messing up I guess. But, everybody has to try. No matter what the outcome is. You can't see your own future but you can try to succeed in your dreams. I don't know how to express myself, or how to show my emotions anymore. I guess you could say I'm emotionless? A word with a lot of meaning, but so little to understand. My imagination is too big for this world and my dreams are simply to long to come true, how can I ever accomplish anything when I don't know how to start. So many questions, that I can't answer. But I need someone who can. I stand up once again folding my note book and begin to walk over to my light and flick the switch in one small movement and then I lay down in my bed, wide awake, and full of thought.

Another one of those dreams, I'm still there. THERE still here. Whispering ever so quietly but simply to loud, just for my ears to hear. They want me to know what their saying, so I feel bad and get upset over it. She won't tell anyone, she's to quite and shy. Pick on her if you were ever hurt, show her how you felt, even though shes innocent. And maybe might of done things differently. And then, I find myself standing on the ledge of a high building looking down, tears running down my face and then leaning forward in one quick flinch, and I'm falling. But it doesn't hurt When I fall, my pain escaped in the one last tear that flew up in the air as I was looking up and grasping my book, I let the pages fly. I let them free, all my pain and suffering is free. And so am I, my soul is happy and that's the way I want to die. I want to die happy. I want to die free, knowing I did things just right but I still learned from my mistakes.

Then i wake up, right after hitting the ground, shattering. Every bone in my body, crushing with the impact of the fall. My eyes still wide open and the pages are flying through the air. I wake up everyday thinking about the thoughts I had before but I realized now these things happen, no matter how good it felt. It hurt deep inside, I knew it was hurting others but I was too selfish to understand that. You realized what you had, but you don't think about loosening it. Which comes from the common statement "you didn't realize what you had till it was gone". Some things just appear backwards, but you need to keep your head up and hope for the best and expect the worst.

If I should continue short little stories like this, please comment and say so. My grammar and punctuation may not be completely right... No hate.