Illusions of Heart; Touko x N

Chapter Ten: Something To Be Afraid Of (N's Telling)

N's POV

I stared curiously at the girl behind bars. I felt like I knew her, but yet my mind seemed to be trying everything in its power to cloud anything I felt I should have know about her. Who was this girl? She started to stir in her sleep, jerking her legs, and letting out a faint whimper. Huddling her knees to her chest, the girl shivered. I pitied the girl, despite being told she was of evil doings. She looked so vulnerable...so fragile. That's when I made the decision to fetch one of my blankets, secretly, for her. My ears rang as I climbed up the stairs to my room, and all of a sudden, stepping into my chamber, I knew the girl's name.

Touko.

Memories flooded my brain like suddenly the thin seal holding everything in just gave out. The last thing I remembered was walking away with feelings of regret and remorse. I remembered the kiss. The ferris wheel. The other boy. Was it jealousy running through my veins? I let the thought go, grabbing the extra pile of blankets and a pillow from the edge of my neatly arranged bed. I ran out of my room, almost falling down the stairs at the pace I was trying to reach Touko. The vulnerable Touko I loved.

"Touko," I whispered softly. She stirred in her sleep again, but didn't wake up. "Touko!" I whispered sharply. She shot up defensively from her sleep, unaware of what was going on.

"N? N, is that you?" she squinted, despite there not being a bright source of light. The lights throughout the castle were dimmed at this time of night. "W-where am I?" she yawned sleepily. I was thankful she wasn't as frightened and scared as when the Shadow Triad had first brought her in. I could lucidly remembered her screams of bloody murder, and the panicked thrashing and attacking.

"You are in my home, Touko," I sighed. She looked at me strangely, as I gestured for her to take the pillow and blankets from my hands. She cautiously took them through the bars.

"T-thank you," she murmured, wrapping herself in the blanket and reducing her shivers. Silence rang through the air with a powerful intensity.

"Did I do something to you, Tou?"

"Don't call me that," she snapped. "Don't ever call me that again."

"What did I ever do to you? Why are you so bitter with me?"

"N stop! Please don't talk to me anymore. I appreciate you bringing me the blankets and the pillow, but I don't want anything more from you. You used me, and I don't feel like being used again," she proclaimed.

"When did I ever use you for anything?" She stared at me, wide-eyed, until her acidic expression melted away.

"Cheren was right," she mumbled. "Do you remember me from before we met in Nimbasa City?" The question took me by surprise, but I thought about it. I couldn't think of one moment where Touko and I would have ever crossed paths, however, as I kept thinking there were emotions that started to bubble up and appear. They were good emotions, like joy, adoration, affection, and love, yet there was something so false about these emotions supposedly from the past. At the same time I could feel the real, raw emotions fighting the intruder feelings.

"No, I don't remember anything, but I get a heaping pile of emotion and feeling from before Nimbasa when I try to think about it."

"Good or bad emotions?"

"Good emotions, but-"

"It's all fake," she spoke monotonously. "I had the same thing happen to me. When I thought of you, and when I tried to remember everything that was true of our past, I practically fell in love with the emotions I was handed to feel about you. When we met in Nimbasa, all of those false emotions I was given to recall, whether or not I had even thought about you in the time we were separated, came forward and became my only truth."