Rain

The Outcast Peacock

"I have decided what we will do about Arnie."

Papa, Mama, Arnie and I were stolen from the books in our laps; eyebrows raised, looking in surprise at Grandmama's statement. It had been three days since their arrival, and we had not yet agreed on how to dispel the rumours surrounding Arnie's identity in our social circles. If it hadn't been for Betty blathering about my brother's charm to Lady Sweeting's housemaid, disaster could have been averted. It got out, however, and now I was the disappointment of the debutante season for all household maids across London. I hardly cared what people were saying, but I did not wish my family to be a laughingstock--not even Mama.

I sought Evan's reaction to what my grandmother said, but then remembered him going out for the day to ensure the crate of belongings from India would be transported safely to our estate. It was a shame that he would miss this, but I supposed he wasn't technically family. "Well, Grandmama?" I said after a long pause. We were all dying of suspense.

"We will tell them the truth. About Arnie going missing and then hidden from us and all that."

"You're out of your mind, Mama!" my mother exclaimed, suddenly turning a deathly shade of white. "It would lead to all around disgrace upon our family, and further ammunition for the Ramseys to ruin us."

"Not to mention our shareholdings with Ramsey businesses," my father added. "He would buy out your estate, Lady Bowen, and we'd all be sunk."

Mama nodded quickly, looking from her husband back to her mother. "And Liliane's prospects of marriage--not that she doesn't deserve it," she glared at me, "will be irrevocably damaged."

"No, no, you don't understand. The truth will set you free, Henrietta." Grandmama unclasped her hands, fluttering her fingers in the air as if they were wings of birds in the wind. Her rings caught the light, causing the facets of her diamonds to send showers of reflections onto the ceiling. It was the most beautiful thing I'd seen since I had come to Britain. I hardly knew why it had taken me so long to find something like it.

Mama's face sank in disappointment. "What kind of proverb are you giving me now, Mother?"

Grandmama shook her head and covered her face. "I knew you wouldn't understand."

Arnie smiled suddenly, as if catching our grandmother's meaning like the tiny flickers of light on the ceiling. "Grandmama means that if we tell the truth, no one will be able to hold authority over us. It's not just the Ramseys that will know our secret, but everyone! They won't be able to harm us by blackmail once everyone knows it, don't you see?"

"We still risk being ostracized, Arnie," I reminded him. "They could choose to ignore us simply because they enjoy talking about us behind our backs."

"It will be the town's hot topic for a month or two, but no more than that. Every great family has a scandal once a generation," Grandmama said, looking nonplussed. "I know I had more than a good share of being ostracized when my daughter ran away with an India-crazed officer."

Papa smiled sheepishly. "I do not think this is quite the same, Lady Bowen."

"Oh, come. Time blurs everything until one scandal has achieved the same level of interest as the last. They fade!"

"But not everyone will understand why Liliane acted in the way she did."

"All they have to do is ask her," my grandmother shrugged, looking to me. "Why did you act in that way, Liliane?"

Then they all looked at me. Patient; waiting. As if I had the one answer to all of our problems. As if I could explain everything and avail all of their concerns about the future of our family and prospects. I wanted to tell them the truth. That if my mother hadn't starved me of her affection, I wouldn't have done what I did. She had pushed me to the brink of desperation to earn her love. Maybe I'd been foolish and spiteful, but there was a reason behind my strangeness. I thought I was doing the best I could under the circumstances. I feared that they wouldn't see it my way.