Crys and me were standing against her car smoking a blunt and watching a group of guys play marbles. I didn't even think niggas still played that.
"That was stressful." Crys said referring to the job we just did.
"Sure the fuck was. We could've died like that. If that gun was loaded mann. We got lucky." I proclaimed still feeling the nerves jump when I thought about it.
The man we were collecting from pulled a gun on us and pulled the trigger instantly. But he didn't have bullets in it. So Crys had shot him and got the money. If only I had never got into this 'line of work.'
"You hungry?" She asked after we had been silent for a good give minutes.
"Very."
"How about Chipotle?"
"They ain't open. It's midnight. We gotta get McDonald's or some shit." I said as we went to my car.
"Aight that works." We got in my car and I turned on Chief Keef. I drove to McDonald's and went through the drive-thru. I paid for Crys because I was in a good mood and parked in the parking lot.
I was in the middle of eating when a thought occured to me. I left Ray at my house at 8. It was midnight. I turned my phone back on and it vibrated with missed calls and texts.
I called Ray back feeling sick. I should have left a note at least.
"What?" She answered with an attitude.
"You're mad at me?"
"Hell yeah. First you leave after we fuck. While I'm sleep! Then you got your phone off when I call and text you. And then you don't call back until midnight." She explained sounding heated.
"Ray calm down! I had to leave." I said turning away from Crys's nosey ass.
"You had to leave? Why? Because you're with somebody else you're still slanging. Which one?" She asked and waited. I sat there silent.
"I don't know why you care so much." I stated looking down.
"I fucking love you Jalea! God damn you're such a dog. You are way too closed off. I'm not trying to just fuck you and leave. I want to be apart of your life. But you don't want to let me in so fuck it. I'm gonna leave tonight. I won't be coming back either. I wish someone stopped me from falling."
She hung up and left me speechless.
"Damnnn you alright? She blew yo ear up." Crys said before taking a drink of her sprite.
"I'm good. Don't worry bout it." I said putting my phone down.
"No you're not good. You scared to open up I can see. But why you scared to love?" She asked.
"That's not really easy to answer Crys. I've lost everyone I ever loved so I don't want to fall in love with anyone." I explained rolling down my window.
"I understand that but you're just gonna keep losing people if you don't let them in. I'm just saying. From experience, life is better when you aren't worried about keeping your guard up at all times." She said looking at me.
I sighed and shrugged my shoulders.
"I guess you're right. I'll try." I proclaimed.
"Good. Take me back to my car now. I have to get home and catch my favorite porn star's new episode." She said putting her trash in the bag.
"Wow." I took her to her car and went home. Only to be hit harder by the reality of what happened less than an hour before. I went up to my room and went to take a shower.
I was about to be so deep in my feelings tonight. With school in the morning. I sang Jhene Aiko while soaking myself in the water. I washed up with some coconut body wash and rinsed all the suds off.
"Jalea?" I heard someone say. Who the fuck was in my at room past midnight.
"Who's there?" I asked.
"It's Dion. I need help." He said sounding hurt. How did he even get in? I must not have locked the door.
I turned the water off and wrapped a towel around me. I found Dion sitting in my chair with his hand on his arm.
"What's wrong?" I asked putting a t-shirt on my hair.
"I killed someone J. It was self defense but I killed them. I don't know what to do." He said crying.
"Let me see." I held his arm and looked at the cut. It wasn't too bad. "I'll wrap this up for you. You can tell me what happened in the morning."
He nodded and let me put gauze on the wound. I went into my closet and put on lotion. Along with some shorts and a tee shirt.
I laid in bed while Dion passed out on my floor. All of a sudden, the want for an actual girlfriend flooded my mind. I wanted someone that would be there and understand me. Someone I know is mine and only mine.
Oh well. Wishful thinking.
***
I woke up and seen that Dion was gone. Weird. He seemed scared last night so I figured he was probably somewhere hiding.
I got up and rubbed my sore eyes. I guess at some point last night I started crying until I fell asleep. I looked a mess. I put my curls into a ponytail and put on some ripped jeans, a lightweight hoodie and my Taxi's.
I definitely wasn't in the mood for school. I left the house and drove to school. Bria had already left. When I went inside, a girl ran up to me holding her phone.
"Jalea is it true?!" She scream whispered.
"Is what true?" I asked crossing my arms.
"That you slept with Marcus and he kicked you out because it was dead." She said looking curious. So many people were giving me looks.
"Hell nah that shit ain't true. I'm gay man where the hell is he at?" I asked feeling myself get mad.
"Oh I don't know." I shook my head and ran upstairs. It took a while but I finally found him hanging out in a classroom with Mikayla and some other guy.
"What the fuck you spreading rumors for?!" I yelled walking up to him. He looked at me confused.
"Fuck are you talking about?" He asked. I rolled my eyes and told him exactly what I was talking about. "Yo that wasn't me."
"It was me." Mikayla said looking down.
"Why?" I asked feeling lowkey hurt.
"Because I was mad about you and Sienna." She admitted.
"Well both of y'all better clean this shit up because I'm not one to play with. Especially you Mikayla. I will beat your ass and I won't give one fuck. Don't fucking try me." And with that I left.
