Walking at midnight

The beginning of Something New

I should probably go home. The  chill is overwhelming and the evening is closing in on me but I can't seem to stop. Adam will be worried. For a moment I tell myself I don't care, then hate myself for feeling that way. I do care, of course I do. I love him. I just had to get away for a while. I'd been a very solitary person for the previous years and I'd forgotten how difficult it was to be in the presence of someone else 24/7. I wonder, Should I be feeling like this? We've only been married a week after all. I always knew it would take some getting used to... I'm going to have to get a move on, Were supposed to be leaving for Spain in the morning. To start our new life together, travelling the world. I never had myself down as a traveller. Though I would have never imagined myself leaving waterloo road, leaving Rochdale with no intention of returning. I ask myself, am I ready? I tell myself I have to be. There's no other option.

I take a deep breath as I take in the familiar sights of Rochdale town. A downmarket Northern town. Not particularly inspiring and certainly not pretty but there's just something about it. Something special. It's my home and tomorrow I'm leaving it behind. That scares me more than I care to admit so I push the thoughts to the back of my mind. In turn, something that I have kept to the back of my mind resurfaces suddenly and I find myself pondering over my past. Over Eddie. Over our relationship and his subsequent betrayal. I wonder, would he ever have expected me to move to the other side of the world, to prove my commitment to him?! That's not fair. That's not what this is about. Why does my mind do this? Why can't things just be simple? Nothing has ever been simple for me, the complex way my brain works makes it impossible. Perhaps I'm to blame, I'm sure things would be easier if I just got on with it, rather than analysing everything, over and over, questioning every decision I make. But I've always thought it dangerous not to. It's better to be sure. I am sure. I do love Adam. This is right. This is what I want. I'm going to go home now.