Seeing him smile makes me happy, but knowing the reason why he's always smiling makes me sad.
Seeing him happy is such a great view for me, but seeing him happy with another woman makes my vision unclear.
Unclear because of the tears, tears that I'm keeping for so many years.
How long can I manage of getting hurt in secret?
When will this stop?
When will I move on?
When will I learn how to let go?
When will I be totally happy?
I am broken. I am miserable.
Everybody thinks that I'm already done and over. Yet deep inside, I'm in so much pain.
Too much pain.
I am every man greatest fantasy, and every girl’s envy.
And also, I’m a one beautiful mess.
I've been in love so many times. Madaming beses pero sa isang lalaki lang. I keep on falling for him, but he's not there to catch me, because he is also falling over and over again with another woman.
People know him for so many angles and name.
But whoever he is, he'll always be the boy I used to know way back then.
We've been together for so many years. Then I realized that the years aren't enough because even a lifetime can happen for a moment.
And that moment is when he met her, the woman who changed her life, the woman who changed his feelings and beliefs, the woman who changed "us".
What's with her ba that I don't have?
Is there something about her that is so beautiful? So beautiful that I'm feeling so alone and worthless?
I tried letting go so many times but I always failed.
I told everyone that I already moved on, that I and he are just friends and colleagues, that we're just being professional.
But everytime there is a scene wherein the two of us are involve, I'm always abusing the opportunity. The opportunity to be with him, to hold him and to have him even just for a limited time. Even if that limited time meant nothing for him but meant everything to me.
Why am I being like this?
Why can't I just simply give up?
Why can't I forget?
Why do I keep on pretending?
Why am I not totally happy?
Why?
Why?
Can someone please answer me?
Why?
....
*Post as anonymous?*
I sighed deeply before I click the button.
*YES*
After a single ado,
*Your blog is already published.*
Wala namang makakaalam na ako ang nagtype nun. I didn't include my name on the username and I did not even namedrop so I know, I'll be safe. I just want an outlet, a diary so that I can express my emotions.
