FAE

FAE PART 1

"you will always be a joker to me." 

I have been in the mist of all....

I have been goofing off with writing things and realized i can put them here and not be judged by them so here!

You're beautiful in every way, every ounce of your body is perfect; don't let anyone tell you different. You are gorgeous. Don't let your fears ruin things about you. Your mind is a wonderful place to explore and imagine. Your heart is perfect, even with the flaws you have. The road you take is the road which people have lead you too. Your choice to choose what road you step foot on. The smile you breathe is a chance of breath that you will never get back, the words you speak are the actions that will proceed after you have taken the precautions to treasure. You are everything. You were put on this planet to fulfill your dreams, and what dreams you fulfill are the best and worst ones of your entire life, it's your choice to take action on all or some dreams. You can only do things you put your mind, body and soul to do. Take my mind to a place where no one has ever been before. I am everything and you are nothing to me. I am clear and mindful and tasteless until someone comes in and gives me tongue to become tasteful. I am learning and inquiring the worst of worst and the best of the best. I have had all things possible and all things worthy. I am left alone with nothing to betray me. I am left alone and awake with enough energy to ruin the world with one word. I am screaming for help and yet no one hears me through their pain and suffering. I worship and get on my knees and praise you even when you do the worst things that hurt people in the process. Yet, I always have dignity left and a heart that always gets hurt. Where Have I gone, what have I done to deserve this piece of poverty. I can't even bare to withstand the hatred that has happened in my life to come to the conclusion that everything is fine. This is my death note, that is my death wish...is it really all that I planned for? Is this what you want? Is this what you had waiting for me? I hate to burst your bubble but I'm fed up with the shit I have to deal with. For many-many years I have been thrown into a cage and taken wherever we move. I hate to say that I am sick of it, but I love traveling the courage on ways people creep to give you, it gives me thrill to know that something so terrible is just so craving... and that right there is where my tastefulness comes in and takes over. I crave the ways people find the time to kill for amusement, I crave the way people use their dignity to wash away everything. There's nothing people can say or do to want to stop yourself from doing what is already done. Stop me before I can't undo what is done.... Too late, it's done, there's nothing I can do now. I was just a child, a wreck less rebellious ass hole, hunting for pleasure. The thrill of hurting people can chain people to the edge and never leave. This is it, the hate that drove people to the edge for what? What common sense is thriving? What tall tales are telling you to the atrocious things no one wants you to do. No one once told you to do it. So why? Why take your chances and ruin your life as well as someone else? It's tortious, and careless. What could go wrong? What could do as if the world has stopped moving around. The world has stopped revolving, what can you do? FUCKING NOTHING! You have outdone yourself now, you have chained your thoughts to the edge and now it's done. Now it's over. You have put yourself out there to the point you fell in the hell hole, and now can't withhold yourself up anymore. You're screaming and in pain, something has latched onto you. Something has come through the cracks and you can't see it, you get caught up in this drama in the world and that's what has latched onto you. You're killing yourself, slowly one by one. What can go wrong? EVERYTHING! You have feared yourself to the point nothing is trust worthy now. No one is trustworthy, nothing you do or say is trustworthy, I am trying to keep calm, but inside of my soul I a m screaming for you to save me. You think it's all fine and dandy the way you leave me to believe that everything is a mess, but in reality I just want to dream. I am so cold, deep down inside I am changing slowly, you are changing me. You are awakening the inner spirit inside of me. I am scared and walking away in a fear that no one can change the real me. I am pleading for you. The world can't change a perspective. But you can. I am trying, I am screaming. I am craving your pain. Please, show me pain. Show me the worst I want to feel it. I need to feel something. Why can't you show me how I want to feel? Can you? YOU CAN'T! There's no way. I'm finally scared now, but you think I'm weak, and I think you're wrong. Yeah my story is jumping to scenarios that occur at the moment and I'm blank in the soul, until you came into my life. It's hard to explain how you make me feel, I wish I can show you. I wish I can be there with you every step of the way. You need to catch your sweet breath you need to suffer. I have suffered enough, it's your turn to know what it feels like to hear the screams in your head and the burning flesh you smell when you fall asleep. You can run but you can't hide. You will one day run out of breath from running away so much. The day will be the day you know there's no more hope. There's only faith when you make it faithful. There's only hope when you make it hopeful. There's only smiles when you make what's hurting you into something happy. So who am I to judge how you care about only shit? Tell me how I can take this into context? I want you, only you. I have lived a life that was only a lie to myself and the people around me. I cry and scream and want only what's worst. I don't kick, I just walk away and sooner or later come back with the fear inside of me that you will never love me the way I was when I get back. I will be subtle but not too subtle. I will scream, but not too loud. I will walk away but not too fast. I will live a lie that only has my truth. No one will know how my truth plans out. No one will understand how I feel to care. I work all day and never get real sleep. I work my ass off to know that no one actually wants to know what I do for a living. I scream in pain and horrid. I never worry, until your ass showed up on the block. I hate that people think they know what's under my skin. Maybe it's not blood and bones, it may be filth and rocks and moons and stars. But you don't know, you never know. You don't care to know. Or ever wonder. So FUCK you! Take your ways and shove it in Master's face. I am a slave to your pain, and I like it. But no one knows that....ever....! This is my death note, this is my will to lead. I am a leader, not a follower. I am a change to perspective, I am a change to filth. I am a change to change. I am everything that change comes to. No one knows who I am until the last minute. So you wonder what I am do you. Ask me! What Are you? What am I? Here!!!!!!

I AM FAE....