Picking Up the Pieces // Harry Styles

Twenty One

This chapter might be triggering. If you haven't guessed yet, this story does handle some, kind of heavy topics and such, like suicide and hints of eating disorders, but. ugh i don't like talking about this stuff. i just hope you guys, like, don't love this story too much and if you're ever feeling sad or like Scarlett, talk to someone! I know it's scary sometimes but all you need is just someone to help you out and maybe if you have trust issues and your friends have the biggest mouths in the world you can talk to me about it. I got a new kik so you can kik me at thelovelyrebel and tell me anything you want too. idc if it's what you ate for breakfast i just love talking to you guys okay? so yeah. be happy! it's better and easier than being sad. :)

i'm finally done with summer school! ahhhh yay hallelujah praise the lord. okay. ily guys. enjoy.

* * * * * *

Twenty One {bc wattpad is glitching sigh}



Harry Styles



Scarlett kissed my head as she wrapped a big blanket around me from behind, arms around my neck. I smiled, looking away from my phone and cocked my neck back to look up into her eyes. She smiled and ran her fingers through my hair as her nose lightly brushed off of mine.

"Hey there." She said in a joking tone.

"You come here often?" I replied, making her smile a little wider.

"I'm cold." She said, eyes glancing down at me then the blanket. She was cute.

"C'mere." I opened my arms out wide and she crawled into my embrace as I wrapped the blanket around her. I sat up a little straighter and wrapped my arm around her shoulder as she leaned against me. She stole my hat all throughout the night and was currently wearing it.

"You have a cool style." She said. "It's because you have money."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm broke. You think I can buy an entire closet of my always changing style?"

I promised if I ever married Scarlett Robinson, I'd buy her anything she wanted because she deserved the absolute best.

And here we were. Cuddled up under the stars. I'd forgotten what the entire plot of the movie was. Scarlett invited the lads and I out for a big movie night. We came to an outdoor theater full of hundreds of people. The atmosphere was great and we had been laughing all night.

Scarlett still seemed to be following along with the movie's plot, grabbing my hand and gasping dramatically if there was another plot twist.

The longer I held her in my arms, the feeling and sudden urge to protect her grew stronger and stronger. But the more I wrapped my arm around her waist and kissed her goodnight the sadder I became.

What if this all came to an end?

Everytime I grew happy, someone would strip it all away from me.

Someone might take Scarlett away from me.

And I'd be alone.

Scarlett screamed softly. I didn't even hear how Zayn laughed at her when he revealed he simply grabbed her foot during the most chilling moments of the movie. She threatened to kill him. Zayn just laughed.

I think this is why I hated going outside. There were so many people. So many people better and smarter and happier than I was. It only reminded me of how awful and disgusting I was. If this life was all about the survival of the fittest, I was dead last. I was losing. How could you not compare yourself to others? Honestly.

The entire world felt like a party that had gone on for too long. I was growing bored. I was tired of it all and I just wanted to go home. I wanted to go home and crawl under the covers by myself and try to sleep off the demons that pulled and pinched and tugged at my skin, making me feel like my body was on fire.

"Hey," Miss America looked up at me. Scarlett looked radiant in the night. She was absolutely lovely. You'd look at a girl like that and never even wonder if she had suicidal thoughts or binged or starved or cut. She seemed perfect, but I had the strangest feeling she had once carried burdens that weighed more than she did.

"Movie's over, Mister I-Shop-At-Urban-Outfitters." Scarlett blinked up at me. "Did you like it? That ending was insane."

"Loved it, Miss I'm-Jealous-That-My-Boyfriend-Is-More-Hipster-Than-I-Am."

"I'm not jealous." She scoffed.

"I bet you only go to Urban when it's like 75% off."

"Even then I can't afford a pair of socks." We both laughed.

Scarlett took my hands and attempted to drag me onto my feet but her attempts failed until I dragged myself up.

"You sleepy or something?" She said as she took my hand. The blanket was still draped around our shoulders.

"It's past Harry's bedtime, eh?" Niall shoved me a bit as we joined the crowd that headed for the exits. I felt like a zombie just taking simple steps to get out of here. It was a trance my body just suddenly fell under.

"Sure." I said just to get us all laughing.

Honestly, I wanted to go to bed tonight and never wake up. So much for getting better.



* * *



"That was really fun tonight." Zayn said, sitting up in the front of the car with Niall, who was more than happy to drive. Louis and Liam were to my right and in a conversation I didn't care for.

Kitten's perfume seemed to be sewn into the blanket she let me take home.

She said to take it for comfort. I wasn't feeling it.

"They do music festivals around there too, you know." Niall said.

"Scarlett's quite something." Liam laughed. "I think we all needed to get out."

I wanted to fling myself out of this car. I wondered how bad it would hurt if I actually did it. I wondered how bad it would hurt if I "accidently" fell into the street. The impact of the car and my body would only hurt for a second, then darkness. A dark paradise.

Everyone was too close to me. I felt claustrophobic. I felt angry and suddenly wanted to kill the boys if they didn't shut up.

S-Stop it.

No.


I pulled out my phone to text Scarlett. Anything to distract myself. I saw she had texted me a couple minutes ago.

"Thank you for the lovely night. I love you lots. Sweet dreams. xo"

I managed a smile. Scarlett was simply the sunshine in my life. I really did love her. I'd do anything for her. I'd even try to be happy.


Ahh, but the voices in my head screamed no. I wanted to be free from this. I was tired of going out to clubs and tattoo parlors to release my anger out on myself. The pain of the tattoos hurt like hell. I was familar with hell. I barely felt a thing on the chair.

You do not deserve happiness.

She does not love you. She feels sorry for you.



Stop lying. Please. Please. Please.

"Harry?" Liam said softly from beside me. "You're shaking."

"It's just, r-really cold." I lied. "I-Is the heater on?"

"It's up all the way, Harry." Niall said, staring at me with concern.

"I-It's okay." I clenched my jaw. My eyes watered and my hands shook as I put my phone down in my lap. "I feel a little warmer now."

"Same to you, sweetheart. Sweet dreams. xx"

I changed "sweetheart" to "Kitten" so she'd think everything was okay. Part of me wanted to invite Scarlett over and she could lay with me during the night, but Ed probably wouldn't allow it. Scarlett was probably annoyed with me anyways.

I walked into my flat as soon as Niall dropped me off. The boys bid me goodnight. I muttered something that pleased them. I couldn't remember. As I stepped into my empty flat, I suddenly wished I wasn't alone here.

The lights were off. It was dark. It was as cold as a meat locker. I shivered and shook until I shifted towards the heater and put it on ROAST.


I threw my jacket onto the floor, my head pounding. My legs crumbled under me as tears began to roll down my cheeks. I slumped down onto my knees, hands balled into fists.

I curled up into a tight ball in the middle of the hallway. The heat hadn't kicked in yet. I deserved to freeze. Scarlett's love and blanket hadn't been enough. I wasn't sure why I even continued to live.

I somehow rose to my sore feet, body shaking. I floated past the living room and grabbed another thick blanket. The world was so cold. So dark and empty like my soul.

I felt dead. My eyes were half open. My feet felt like heavy stones were tied onto them. I couldn't keep this up. I couldn't do this anymore.

I didn't even feel the tears falling. Had it become so natural? I was screaming into oblivion. I threw anything I saw or touched. The monster inside me was begging to be let loose. His growls echoed in my head. It all was becoming too much. My living room looked as if someone broke into it. I knocked over lamps and vases. I threw pilows at the wall and grunted and screamed until the stuffing came out.

Their insides were white and pure. Why couldn't I be like that?

That only made me angrier. I knocked over stupid picture frames and kicked my loveseat a couple times. The monster growled louder and louder. I could feel his breath close to my neck as I destroyed my living room.

"S-Stop this," I hissed, pulling at my curls. "Stop."

My tears fell quicker than before. Maybe I'd drown. Please oh please let me drown.

I somehow got to my kitchen. Cabinets were full of sleeping pills I could easily overdose on. The hardest part would be shoving them all down my throat. There was a knife there also to send me to eternity.

I stared at the blade. Oh God, it had come to this.

It'll only hurt for a second. I promise.

I shook my head over and over again, burying my face in my hands. I needed to stop. The boys would be heartbroken. Scarlett would miss you. Scarlett would -

"Harry?" A soft whisper came from behind me.

I turned around, recognizing the voice. "Kitten?"

Scarlett was a spirit. Her body was misty and gently sparkled. Her eyes were gray then green then blue then brown as if she couldn't decide who she was. Her dress was black and flowed around her dramatically as her hair became like seaweed and aimlessly flowed around her face.

"Harry?" she noticied the knife and looked at me. "You promised."

"I-I know, but - "

"Darling, you promised it wouldn't come to this." Scarlett walked through me and carefully put the knife away in the drawer. My body warmed as she passed through me but felt empty as she left.

I turned around and saw her digging through my cabinets.

She stared at the bottle of pills and smiled sadly at them as if they were and old friend. She carefully picked them up and disposed of them. "Why didn't you just call me?"

I was at a loss for words. I was hallucinating. Was this really my Scarlett?

She cleaned my face up and kissed me tenderly before floating off to my living room to clean up the mess.

"Look at me. Like a typical housewife. You don't have a broom, do you, Harry?" She laughed as she put the vases together with a touch of her finger and straightened the furniture as I watched her dance from the stairs.

She smiled up at me. "Darling, why do you stare at me like that?"


Her soft laughter filled my ears making me feel flustered. She appeared in front of me and lifted my head up a little with her misty finger so she could see my red face. "You're adorable." She kissed my cheek.

"You need to rest though. Promise me you'll sleep?"

I managed somewhat of a nod.

She stroked my face and brushed the hair out of my face until she led me upstairs. She tucked me in and kissed me softly.

In a second, she was gone.