My feet smashed the pavement as sprinted away from Alexa's house feeling completely and utterly crushed. Thoughts slammed unbidden into my mind, in time to my pounding feet. You just broke her heart. You almost had something. Look at what you've done. You've ruined everything. You could've had a chance with her. But you're selfish. Apparently Alexa couldn't give you enough, hm?
“Shut up!” I screamed as I continued running. I had to get away. I had to escape before I caused anyone else more damage. I hurt everyone I came in contact with. There was no other options. I had to get out. Now.
My mind was clouded with thoughts, my heart clogged with emotions. My surroundings were nothing but blurred tears as I sprinted for nowhere. Suddenly I found myself on the quiet side of the beach, sand spraying up around my ankles as I skidded to a halt. Memories of yesterday flooded through me and it was as if I could see our picnic spot right in front of me.
For some unreasonable desire, I pulled off my shoes and socks, allowing the sand to squish between my toes. As if contact with the sand could make me feel any closer to Alexa. Slowly I sank to my knees, swirling the sand between my fingers, tears coursing down my face.
“Alexa I am so so sorry,” I sobbed as the wind picked up around me, blowing sand into my face. It clung to my damp cheeks, like so many faint memories. “I'm so sorry.. I wish I could.. could...,” I attempted to scream an apology, but nothing else made it past the remorse and hurt in my throat.
A faint buzz was felt in my pocket. Distractedly, I pulled it out and squinted at the screen. My vision blurred with tears, I scrubbed at my eyes, leaving gritty sand streaks across my face. The display read Shaina's number.
The text vanished, along with the breath from my lungs. She was the reason I willingly chose to dump Alexa. “Go away!” I sobbed harshly, hurling my phone away from me, where it buried itself into the wet sand with a dull splat. “Just leave me alone, all of you!” I screamed at the phantoms chasing around in my brain.
As I knelt there in the sand, the rising tide freezing my knees as it came and went, I thought I heard voices through my sobs. “Go.. go away.. just.. leave.. no. Leave me alone! Just go!” I screamed and screamed and the voices grew louder with alarm.
“Is that her?”
“Hey! Hey I found her! Over.. over here!” A hand touched my shoulder.
“Are you sure that's who she was looking for?”
I jerked away, feeling violated. “No! Just leave!” I roared, never ending tears tracing paths through the sand crusting my cheeks.
“Jen!” shouted a voice in utter relief. “Jenifer! Oh my god, I'm so glad you're safe!” Arms wrapped around my shoulders as her body quickly comforted mine. “When you didn't return my text... I got worried. I.. I thought maybe.. that maybe she.. Alexa.. would know where you went but.. she said you ran off. I feared the worst,” she finished in a whisper, her own words imprisoned by tears and emotion.
“Shay...,” I sobbed, “I.. I wanted to.. it was just.. I couldn't.. I wanted to die...”
“Shh.. sh,” she murmured, rocking me back and forth gently, “You're ok now. You're with me. No one will ever hurt you again. I wont let that happen. Ever. I promise Jen. You're safe.” I let her hold me as I continued to cry onto her shoulder, completely overwhelmed to the point of numbness. I shut my eyes, blotting out my vision of a perfectly pristine sky, with not a cloud in sight.
That was four days since Alexa and I last talked, since I last screamed at her. I tried not to think of it as a break up, because there was nothing romantically going on between us. Or at least, that's what I kept telling myself. The pain and sadness I felt from those memories were nothing more than left over heartache from the flashback of Shaina breaking up with me.
