Josh

Ch 8

On Sunday I went home. Misaki and Taka take a short train ride with me until I'm closest to where I live, then they let me go with hugs and "see you later"s.

I walk the sidewalk one block before reaching my apartment building. Nothing looks to have changed. I sigh with relief at that, though I know I'll be walking into a dead apartment. After checking the mail and taking the elevator to my floor, I found that I was right. The only person home was me.

This is shrugged off because I've grown used to it. But it still hurts. I go unpack my stuff and lay my homework out to turn in tomorrow, to make sure I had it all done. I did.

At nine I lay in bed, thinking of how lonely I really am when I'm alone. I consider calling Taka so he can talk to me until I fall asleep. But he might already be asleep- So I don't bother.

Taka. . .

I miss him already. Even if I just spent the whole weekend with him and his family. I don't know why. . . But I wish he was here so he could lay next to me, talk to me, kiss me to sleep again. . .

Woah, Woah, WOAH.

I did not just think that! Or did I? Oh, no. I can't go thinking those stupid, lovey-dovey things about Usami Takahiro!

That would be. . . Wrong? I don't know if I should use that word. We are both boys, yes, but so are both of Taka's dads. I got over that part. But we're best friends. Will my feelings ruin anything? Yes. They surely would. Maybe I should call my thoughts wrong.

I fall asleep thinking how much my desire to kiss Taka would ruin our friendship. I don't think he'd have lovey-dovey thoughts for me at all.

_ _ _ _ _

At school, I arrive with a plan set in mind. So that I can get over these weird thoughts I've had of Taka, I will ask a girl out so that I can focus on having those kissy-huggy, affectionate thoughts about her. My only problem is getting a girl to like me after I rejected Hanamiko Mei, and she broke my arm. This is going to be a long Monday.

I go to my first class with a small knot in my stomach. Why does this have to happen to me?! I groan as I sit down. I practice writing with my right hand to see if I can write my work down without my left one. It might work a bit. My only real issue is neatness.

Before the late bell rings, I received a text message. I open my phone up and see it was from Taka. So I open it.

'We need to talk.'

I blink, surprised. Did I leave something over at him house? I hope he's not mad. No. This text looks more serious than one I would get if I left something at his place. Or am I over thinking?

'Talk to me at lunch. Usual spot?' I respond

'ok.' Came his response after a moment.

I close my phone and put it away as the teacher walks in to begin our lesson.

_ _ _ _ _

My first two classes pass by slower than I would have wished them too. I think it may be because I keep staring at the classroom clocks, counting down the minutes until lunch. Now that I'm in my third class for the day, I have about thirty minutes until my lunch time. Anout thirty minutes until I have to talk with Taka.

My stomach is in knots as lunch time grows nearer and nearer. How bad is this going to be? I need to really calm down, but it's a little hard.

Finally the school rings with the lunch bell. The teacher dismisses us. I take up my stuff and put it away, but I take my time leaving the classroom. Until I am told to hurry up and go to lunch by my teacher. I sigh and exit the hallway. I start to think up something to say to Taka that may make me less nervous. But it's hard considering I can still feel the knot in my stomach. I might just vomit.

I find Taka sitting at our tree and I frown. He looks so calm the way he is sitting with his back against the bark and his eyes staring up at the branches above him. What is he thinking about? Is he thinking about what he wants to tell me? I have no idea and it scares me a little.

Taka lowers his head, his eyes meeting with my own. Darnit. I was caught staring!

I walk over and take a seat beside him with my feet curled underneath me. For a moment we sit in silence under our tree. Then Taka faces me- his green eyes easing very little of my nerves.

"I have something I want to tell you," Taka began. "Actually- I've wanted to say this for a while."

I shake my head. "No, um. . . I have something to say, too." I lie, but I really can't take the chances of getting bad news from him. Making something up was my best chance.

Taka's eyebrows knit together. "You first, then."

"I'm thinking of asking a girl out." I lie again. It makes me feel dirty, but it's what I have to do. I watch Taka's face fall as a frown brings his lips down.

"Oh. . ." Taka mumbled. He looked down at his feet. ". . . Who?"

"I. . . I'm not sure yet. There are so many pretty girls, it would be hard to choose. Y'know?"

"No. I wouldn't."

I look at him oddly. "What do you. . ?"

"I don't understand how you can feel anything for any of these girls!" Taka said, his voice lifting and surprising me. "Josh- I. . . I like you so much. I know that you like girls, but, that's how I feel, and I've felt this way for years."

"Taka. ." I say quietly. I reach out for him, hoping to offer some comfort, but he pulls away and looked at me with hurt in his eyes. "Taka!"

I was pushed away as Taka hurried to get away from me, even if I reached out for him. Soon he was gone and I was left with an aching in my chest. Why? I shouldn't have lied to him- Especially since I like him back.