Flash Fiction

Paralyzed

The last thing I remember before the beeping was a train hurdling toward me. 

My car had been rear ended as I was crossing the tracks, I remember watching the large black front end of the train grow closer and closer.

 I remember trying to reverse, but.. apparently the car behind me had more horsepower. 

To my horror, my car door aligned perfectly with the front of the train. 

In a panic, I pushed open my door, trying to get out.

 But silly me in the rush of adrenaline.. I'd forgotten to unlock my seat belt.

 I writhed and wiggled in my chair, strangling myself with the tight grey belt, trying to break free, to avoid this fate.. The train was too close. And I was too late. 

One fraction of a second of the loudest sound I had ever heard, making my ears ring and my head ache. 

And then it ceased. 

I was certain that I had died.

I don't remember much after that, until I was awake and there was this steady, high beeping. 

In rhythm; Beep. Beep. Beep.

The beeping was all I heard for a long time, then the hushed tones of at least 3 people, saying things I couldn't understand.

I tried to open my mouth to ask who they were, but no noise came out. I tried my eyes to SEE who they were but.. they were sealed shut. I couldn't open them.

As I attempted to lift a hand to pull an eyelid open, I realized my hand couldn't move either. 

I was paralyzed. 

It bothered me at first, not being able to move.. It bothered me a lot. 

But I was tired.. So tired. 

All I wanted was to sleep. 

I couldn't tell when I was awake or asleep, my eyes being closed and thoughts seeming like dreams. 

But one day, or perhaps night, a lady came into my room. She sounded familiar.. My mom perhaps?

As she began to read "Romeo and Juliet" I was sure it was her. 

When I was younger, I used to beg mother to read that to me. 

One of my favorite stories.. 

At the end of a scene, mother's voice ceased and she held my hand. 

I could feel her warm hand on mine.. Why couldn't I move?

 Why couldn't I hold it back, stroke her fingers, tell her I was okay?

I was so frustrated, angry, I was screaming on the inside "I can feel her! Why can't I move!".

No mater how frustrated I became, I couldn't move. Mother's hand left mine and she exited the room, leaving me alone. I wanted to sob, but I couldn't, I just couldn't. 

It was agonizing. 

Perhaps a day later, the familiar voices of doctors entered the room. They poked my legs, then sides, then arms. The object they poked with was sharp, but not piercing. I guessed I was supposed to show some sign of response, of pain. But I couldn't. I was still frozen. 

A doctor pulled one of my eyelids open and shone a blinding light in it. 

I wanted to scream to stop, it stung.. But I couldn't. 

My eyelid slapped back onto my eye painfully and I continue to lie, frozen. 

"Nothing." the doctor nearest me said. 

Nothing. 

It felt like weeks passed, poking of sharp objects, shining of bright lights, another scene of Romeo and Juliet. We were finally nearing the end of the script when someone walked in and interrupted. 

"Ma'am we're sorry, but you're not gonna want to be in here. If you could please leave."

I didn't recognize the voice.. I was scared.

My mom refused, grabbing my arms and shaking me, and she began crying. 

"No, you can't do this. She's still in there, I know she is" my mom pleaded.

I wanted to tell her it was okay, that she didn't have to be sad. 

That I am still in here,  why couldn't I say anything?

Mom's voice became louder, like she was coming closer to me. 

And then she hit me. 

I felt her slap me once, hard. Then again. It hurt. I felt it, I felt pain.

"What did I do?!" I wanted to scream. "I can feel it, I'm sorry! Mom please!" the urge to burst out of the bed grew intolerable, I just wanted to apologize, to tell her to stop, to reassure her, anything!

 But the sound grew fainter, and I assumed they'd dragged her out. 

"Come back. I'm okay.."

The hospital room grew silent for a moment, except for that stupid steady beeping. Why hadn't it sped up?! I was shouting, writhing, infuriated on the inside! Why was it so calm!

I couldn't say 'stop, don't do this. I can feel, I can hear, I can think. just stop!'. 

I couldn't shake, or open my eyes, or punch them or fight. 

I couldn't say "Stop. I'm here. I can hear you, please don't do this"

I could only lie there and listen to the beep. Beep. Beep. 

The doctor ordered a chemical I hadn't heard of to be given to him. 

I heard a light flick against something hard. 

A faint squirt. 

Then I felt it in my arm. 

The sharp cold needle, sliding into my flesh, ejecting a hot liquid into my body. 

I could feel it! 

But even louder, that stupid beeping! This time it wasn't calm, or steady. It sped up, the beeps becoming louder and more rapid, more close together. 

I was screaming at the top of my lungs but I wasn't. Moving.

I knew what was happening. 

I could feel it. 

I don't want to die. 

I wish I could just tell them. 

I don't want to die.

I wanna see my mom.. tell her everything's okay. That I'm here, that I'm fine.

But I don't think I'll get the chance, now. 

Soon the beeps turned into a hum, and I felt the last heartbeat in my chest. 

Then silence.