Star Wars: A Long Drabble Ago

Healing

  It was a sickening view, a sickening feeling, a sickening guilt and it was driving Han insane. His head had been swimming with panic since they'd gotten Leia on board the Falcon, but stuck here, forced to watch her health deteriorate . . . not only did Han feel helpless, but he now had time to think and all he could think about was how awful he felt.
  Taking advantage of Leia's unconscious state, Han stuck an IV in her arm and sat at her bedside. He couldn't bear to even snatch a glimpse of his wife's bloody legs, the blood staining her outfit, soaking the bandages Jacen and Jaina had put on her. He pulled a blanket over her body up to her shoulders and tucked her in like she was just sleeping. Maybe he could convince himself she was. But the guilt was just about too much in itself and Han had never felt so miserable.

  As he reached out a hand to stroke his wife's hair, a voice seemed to yell at him, an inner demon pointing out every mistake of his from the past year. Since the death of his greatest friend, Han had blamed his own son, pushed away his family, finally left his wife when, really, she was exactly what he had needed most this whole time. He had spent his time off gallivanting across the galaxy with a ryn named Droma, looking for that missing piece that had left him feeling so empty only to find that it was the crucial piece he had just left. Why had Han let it come to this? Why had it taken him accidentally running into her to face his own self and deal with his mistakes? He wished he could fix it, but it was far too late for that and Leia was dying because of it.

  No, Han cried to the voice as it hung over his head, reminding him of all the pain he'd caused Leia. No, this isn't fair She doesn't deserve it. She doesn't deserve to suffer for all I've done since Chewie died. None of this is fair. Please, he kissed her temple and rested his head on top of hers, letting the tears fall now. Please, if I can, I'll take her place. Please just stop. She doesn't deserve this. Please . . .
  Leia started to stir, her head turning slightly as a moan escaped her chapped lips. She began whimpering, trying to open her eyes, but the lights were in her eyes and she quickly turned away. "Hey," Han soothed, trying to comfort her. "Hey, relax, Princess. Just rest. You need it." He smoothed back her hair and ran his thumb up and down her forehead.

  "Han," she mumbled.

  "Hi, there, sweetheart. Just relax. We're headed for Corellia, okay? We're going to get you to a med-center as soon as we can. I promise. Everything's going to be fine."

  Opening weary eyes, Leia looked at him. She managed a weak smile, and, slowly with effort, snuck out a hand from under the blanket to reach for his. "You don't need to reassure me. Unless that was for yourself, in which case I won't judge. I promise."
  Han took her hand and kissed it softly, holding it between both of his hands and gently squeezed it. Her skin so smooth, he couldn't resist from kissing it once more. "I was just thinking-"

  "And we both know that's never good."

  "Ha. Ha. But, I'm serious, Leia. I was thinking and . . . and I wish I could trade places with you, right now."

  "Mm. But I don't."

  "Why not?"

  "I'd never wish any of this on you."

  "Are we talking about your "talk" with Nom Anor or all the ways I've made you suffer since-"
  Leia interrupted him with a little shrug and answered, "Maybe both. Han, just listen to me. I'm not mad at you."
  "Well, that's a little backwards because I am. At myself."
  "Han, can't we just forget? We're together again and I could wish for nothing more." She closed her eyes and Han had gave her hand a squeeze to be sure she hadn't passed out again. With as much pressure she could, Leia squeezed back, a small smile playing her lips. "I love you," she said when she opened her eyes.
  Tears stinging his, Han responded, "I know."
  "And that's all I need to hear," she assured him with a brighter smile as their daughter came in, followed by several medics. "Say it again."
  "I know."
  "Again, flyboy." The medics lifted her onto a hovergurney and carried her out.
  "I know."
  As they passed, Leia took her daughter's hand and asked of her, "Tell your father I can't hear him."
  Jaina smiled. "Again, Dad!"
  Han called out louder, "I know!"