Midnight Thoughts

#1

Am I the only one who feels like a therapist to my friends but they aren't one back? My friends tell me about their problems but once I need to talk about mine, they change the subject quickly. I feel so alone and there is so much I need to talk about but I have no one to tell. Well, besides the Internet.

I know my friends care. They showed me on more then one occasion. Lately though, they seem to not want to hear about my problems. They seem to be growing distant. Is it me? Am I just a bad friend? I'm not exactly the greatest friend but I thought I was okay to them.

They don't care. They don't care how I feel. They don't care if I'm sad, or nervous, or about to break down in tears.

It has been getting bad again and I can't tell any of them. I just need someone. Someone who will be there 24/7 to help me when I'm sad and vice versa. With my friends it's one sided. They get all the help. I need someone who will help me. Today I was trying to tell my friend about something. I was joking about it and she said, "Well I have my own problems to deal with right now." While I know this is true and she's been through more then enough, I need to talk to someone sometimes. When I was talking to her I was joking but her response made me think a lot and it genuinely made me sad. It made me sad that she is going through so much and it made me sad to realize she didn't care. I just want them to care. To care about my well being and not ignore all of my problems! I just want them to care about me, their friend!

Am I like that to them too though? Do they feel the same way I do? Do they feel like they are just a therapist to me and I don't return the favor? I always try to listen no matter what. I don't want to be a bad friend. I want them to have someone they can trust and talk to about everything. That's all I want too. I want, no, need someone to care about me, my feelings, and my fragile well being because right now I'm slowly breaking and I can't pick up the pieces.