"Hello, Clark Kent!" Was a wrong greeting for sure. With that glasses on, cleft chin, and a boy next door aura from American movies, I thought the simple human version of superman just appeared right before my very eyes. I can't even find any traces of the young boy who I've met years ago. Not even quite sure if you will like girls like me now that you have a better version of yourself.
At first, I thought you are just a part of a short chapter of my life. You are just that transferee good-looking classmate, nothing more, nothing less. But you actually turned yourself from just a "part" to a chapter when you made me your girl best friend. I am oddly satisfied with that. I was okay. It was enough to have a special place in your life even just becoming your best friend -- or so I thought.
Days of becoming your bestfriend passed, and little did I know that it wasn't really enough. You became one of the reasons why I loved school. I even liked going to school seven days a week. Being your bestfriend is not enough and that thought is slowly killing me. I liked you. I liked to be your Lois Lane.
Heavens must have heard my silent night whispers. It wasn't too long until I can get the answer for my question if we could ever have a chance. But I guess what was wrong is that I never knew that we already had the chance from the very first time. I never knew that you looked at me the way I looked at you. That you were scared as I am. But what's even worse is that we both knew it then, but we keep mum about it. Maybe they are right for saying that action speaks louder than words, but still, words without actions are confusing. I didn't know my rightful place in your life, I didn't know if I was out of the boundaries of friendship.
I wasn't really doing anything and I didn't know that doing nothing is the start of you drifting away from me. You fell in love with her, my girl version of a best friend, and I really don't know how I should feel about it. I can't blame you, because maybe the whole reason for this is that I really am clueless. But still, I would like to give myself the last shot, I told you that I liked you. And you chose me again over her.
Was it the rightest thing to do? Maybe at that moment, for myself, it was.
We shared days of laughter, dancing, doing things like we never did with anyone else before, just enjoying each others' company. Little by little, I've learned a lot from you, my Clark Kent. Like how scared you are of dogs and how you would runaway if ever there's a ghost just behind us. It was funny but you would still act tough even if you already showed me that for a number of times. I couldn't even forget that shade of blush on your cheek whenever I laughed at you.
We did all these things, a set up of more than friends but less than a lover. We were always at each others' side, but we never belong to each other. I've always wanted you, to be with you, but clueless as I am, I never knew why I couldn't give my heart to you when it's already yours to hold on to. You made me feel wanted but I always wanted to be with someone who is not you.
until I've decided that I was ready, I was ready to make me yours. I am fully aware that you are the kind of love I have always wanted. Though it was too late for me to realize that you are over me. You are tired of giving me all your love while I coudn't give you any of it from me though I have always loved you from the start.
I know that I was already too late when I watched you hold her hand happily, the hand of my bestfriend. It hurts so much but I know it was my fault. I couldn't even stop thinking what if we become something like a lover. It was my fault for being too late and for being too clueless. Now, it sinks in me that I can never be your Lois Lane, but I was just like any other human that Superman would save.
our chapter has ended, but it was left hanging. I guess I was just lucky enough to see the other side of you while you were in your red cape. You were also my best friend, and you will always be the guy who fell in love with my best friend.
