Chapter 6
Laying upon my new, soft mattress, I kept thinking about what is going to happen to me. Did Xander really know that he was the father? Was it all a joke? Did they just do it because they knew I was going to listen in on their conversation? Will I get hurt again? Should I just go up to Xander and tell him that he is the father? Would it make anything better? Is it a lost cause? Maybe I should just delusion my fate. Maybe I should just give up. Goodgreef, I am just a diffident person.
Turning my head to look at the white alarm clock on top of my immaculate, white dresser, I swear that this whole room was white, and it was, I noticed that it was a little after midnight. I was laying here for almost three hours
. Thinking. What else was there for me to do? I couldn’t fix this problem like I could fix other ones. I was in deep and there was no way out.
You know, after laying motionless for three hours it really does take a toll on your body. I needed to get up and walk around, or else I would be stuck in that position forever. After climbing out of the bed, I tipped toed my way out of the room, carefully so I didn't wake my sleeping beauty. After slipping open the patio doors, yes my room did have a walkout patio, I walked over the side of the patios brick-wall. Looking over the edge, I saw that I was looking down onto the trees. They seemed to be evoking me, like they were calling my name.
I can't believe that it was up that high, but I was. Life seemed so small from up there. I was the bigger thing in the world, I was higher than everyone else. Thats the way it should be, I should be in charge of my own life. But that was just a wish. That would never happen, I was too much of a scaredy cat to do anything.
This was the kind of moment where you think everything would be easier if you just jumped. Jumping would solve a lot of problems, but in reality it would solve nothing. I heard stories about how people jumped and one there long immaculate down, there life flashes before their eyes. Jumping would just be gratuitous.
Caleb would not only have no father but also a mother. Xander would never know how much I loved him. I would never be able to meet my family in real life. I would be alone again. You know in the movies where a person jumps off of a building and someone is there to catch them? Yes, that it just what I want. For someone to catch me when I jump, for someone to be my prince charming. For me to be happy.
I stopping looking at the tree tops, I was getting sick thinking about me killing myself, so I decided that I would look up into the bright, wishing stars. I was wishing on every shooting one, even though I only saw two of them., I was wishing for my prince to come, but maybe he was already here and I did not know it. Or maybe I missed my chance with him, but I guess time will tell.
After spending most of night looking up at the stars, I saw that the sun was about to raise. I was up in time to see the sun rise. Maybe this was a symbol, telling me that I would raise up to what I want to me. That new, better things will happen.
Ha, good luck with at one Ava. I thought to myself.
“You know, it’s not good to be out in this cold?”
Turning around so fast, that I thought I was going to get whiplash. There in front of me was the person causing all of these problems, Alexander.
“You know, you are one strange girl.” He said walking towards me in his long, strong strides. “You have so many secrets bottled up inside of you. I’m just waiting for the moment when you...explode.” Xander said while pushing my hair behind my ears.
Slapping his hand away from my face, I angrily said, “and how do YOU know all my secrets?”
Looking hurt that I slapped his hand away, he said “Honey, I don’t need to know all of them. I just need to figure out a few.”
“Oh really?” Wait did I just say that? What has gotten into me? Ever since I have been in his relentless place, I have gotten stronger and talkative.
“Yes. Now tell me who the father is.”
“Why do you need to know?” I asked quietly.
“BECAUSE HE IS MY CHILD!” Xander yelled while slamming his large hand into the brick-wall I was sitting on.
Hmm, I didn’t know he had gotten that close. I thought to myself.
“No..” I staring saying, but I was cut off by a fierce growl. Growl? What is this twilight?
“Don’t you dare start that with me! I know he is my child! You said you only had one boyfriend and guess what sweetie? I was that boyfriend.”
“I’m sorry I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes you do, Ava. It took me awhile but I finally figured it out. You were the girl I was in love with, when I was younger. I gave myself to you.”
“I....I am.” I saiding looking down at my bare feet. I could feel the fresh tears rolling down my face.
“You see that is what I wanted. I wanted to hear you say it.”
And with that Xander walked back into the house, leaving me on the floor crying my eyes out. This is how he left me before, he never changes.
***********
“Mommy, what are you doing out here?” Caleb asked me, while rubbing the feet from his eye.
“Oh, I was just getting some of the morning sun.” I told time while I faced the trees, I didn’t want him to see my tears stained tears.
“The suns over a cloud.” He said, I could just picture him with this hand on his hip.
“It wasn’t before. It was....”
“Hey, big boy. What are you doing up this early?”
Wirling around to see who was talking, I came face to face with Xander.
“I’m hungry.”
“Oh really, is Mommy not feeding you?” Xander asked looking up at me with a raised eyebrow.
“Come on Caleb,” I said. “Let’s go get some food.”
“Don’t do that. How about this. How about I take you both out for breakfast? That way I can get to know you better.” Xander said with a sly look on his face.
I can’t get a break can I?!?
“Yeah! Can we Mommy?”
“Go get dressed.” I told him as he ran off to find his mix-matched outfit of the day.
“You don’t have to do this. You don’t need to be nice, if you don’t want to.” I said looking down at the ground, hoping I wouldn’t get the answer I was thinking of.
“You know sweetcheeks, I want to be here for him. Even if you don’t want me to.” And with that Xander stood up straight and walked into my room, leaving me again.
