What About Us? (JERRIE)

Epilogue:

Warning: This chapter may be triggering.

Perrie shut the diary with both hands  and tears fell from her cheeks. 

"I couldn't save her." She whispered. She couldn't comprehend that she caused this. She did love Jade but she never realised that she fell in love with Zayn as well. It made her sick that she was so selfish that she couldn't even save the one who stole her heart. 

She screamed and screamed into the empty room not really caring if anyone heard her pained screams. "Jade! What the fuck is wrong with you? How dare you leave me in this horrible world!" She opened her eyes and saw the cheap furniture of the old hotel room.

"No,no,no,no. I'm sorry, please, Jadey, come back I want you to come back." She couldn't help her voice cracking at the end of her sentence before uncontrollable tears poured out of her and sobs racked her body. She was shaking on the floor, in a fetal position, hugging her knees to her chest. "I'm so sorry." She repeated over and over until she choked on her tears.  

I love you, Perrie, I always will.

Perrie stood up going over to her suitcase picking up a pack of cigarettes before lighting one up and forcing herself to inhale the toxic substance. "You really are a genius, Jade." She whispered. "You knew that I could never live without you. You did this to hurt me not because you were hurt, how fucking selfish." She couldn't help the harsh words from spilling out.

She was so angry. 

Angry at Jade. 

At Zayn. 

At herself. At every single human who knew Jade because no-one tried to save her. No-one even noticed. 

Perrie laughed, "Jade you are everything the media says you are," She took a deep inhale of the cigarette. "You are beautiful, hot, funny and crazy. So crazy you got yourself killed. Do you know what they are saying about you? That you were weak, that you were a coward that you couldn't even face life. But, I always understood you. And that's what matters right? My opinion." 

She dropped the lit fag onto the bed watching it erupt into flames. 

Perrie wasn't Perrie Edwards any more. She was broken too. 

She walked to the corner and squatted down watching the dancing flames light up the room. "Jade, I wonder it your flame took long to die. My flame is burning bright I hope you can see it from heaven." 

And she walked away from the pain. 

_

_

Jade's funeral was private and stereotypical and Perrie hated every part of it. Especially when she was asked to speak a few words. 

"I've never been good with speeches, especially sad ones," Sad chuckles rippled through the small crowd. "Um, as many of you know I loved Jade with all my heart and I will continue loving her until the day I die. I had, actually, always vowed I would never fall in love with anyone when I was a teenager but as the cliché story goes, she changed my views completely." She felt the tears spilling over and over again, she took a restricted breath. "She changed my world and I couldn't save her. I was a stupid, selfish coward who fell in love with someone else!" She yelled and small sobs were heard in the crowd. "I couldn't do a damn thing because I didn't care any more all I cared about was my image and popularity. I lost the one thing that actually meant something to me. And she can never come back. She's never coming back." Her mind was processing what she just confessed. 

My beautiful, kind Jade is...never coming back.

The funeral had ended abruptly after that. She didn't dare look at any of Jade's family or her friends. She just couldn't deal with the disappointment. 

_____

The police soon let her back into her home after cleaning up the crime scene. 

How dare they treat Jade as if she didn't mean a damn thing, she wasn't just any crime scene. She meant everything to Perrie. Everything. 

She walked into their room. And all of they furniture was in place as if nothing had happened. She sat on the bed pulling Jade's diary from the pocket. She handled a small pencil and started to scribble words.

Jade,

I'm surprised you never told me about this diary and I'm surprised I never found it because I'm very nosey.

Perrie smiled slightly as she wrote.

You should have told me because I would've saved you. I would be your heroine. I've always loved you, I hope you remember the great times we had together. I remember when we went on a date to the arcade, you were pretty clumsy back then, and we kissed for the first time. I swear my heart stopped when your lips touched mine. Yes, I have kissed other people but none of that compared to how right it felt with you. 

Everything seemed to make sense when I was with you, you made me see the beauty in the world and I took that all for granted. I should have stayed by your side throughout the publicity stunt but instead my selfish, selfish heart had other plans. 

A small tear dripped onto the page and Perrie's loopy handwriting filled the page.

I'm so sorry.  So sorry. I wish I could take it all back, I want to start over, I need to start over. Please come back and give me a second chance I just want to give you a proper goodbye. We hadn't talked in months before you passed. I wish I could have lived those few months with you, like I have lived with you for the last 5 years now.  

This is my goodbye to you. And I hope that you forgive me for my selfishness. I love you so much and I always will. 

She moved a shaking hand towards her backpack she had brought. Perrie pulled out a small gun, she easily got from an illegal dealer. If Jade wasn't in this world then neither would she. She brought the gun towards her head and prayed to God that she could meet her beloved in heaven and pulled the trigger. 

Perrie Edwards and Jade Thirlwards relationship was soon released to the public after both of their suicides. There was tears and even a few sorrowful smiles amongst their fans. Their love story was beautiful yet tragic and throughout the pain and suffering they both unconditionally loved each other. 

A/N: WHAT THE FUCCK? Excuse my language. I cannot believe this book is finished It's mind- blowing and I thank all of you guys for supporting me and I hope to see you for a few bonus chapters which might include some happy ones because after going through this book you seriously deserve it.  

Sorry for any mistakes :)