What About Us? (JERRIE)

Entry 100:

I guess this is my final goodbye. I really did love this world but it is just cruelly beautiful.

When I first met you I thought you were the most beautiful person my eyes had ever witnessed. I guess my stupid 16-year-old self didn't realise the pain that would accompany my love for you.

Not until about 4 years later when you left me.

It really opened up my eyes. It really showed me your ugly side and it showed my true self. I am ugly, pathetic, a whore, a bitch, a slut. I am everything that the media tells you I am. It's no secret any more.

Society tells you to act weak, as a woman, and to depend on a man. Society tells me I can never be perfect.

Society tells you that being gay is wrong.

I really thought you were different from them. I thought you were the one and only. But I guess you didn't feel the same. I could never love anyone like I loved you, like I already love you. I wanted a future with you, I could always imagine you with our kids. You would look so beautiful pregnant. I am sorry that I could never give that to you. I knew Zayn could always give you everything I couldn't.

I really was hurt when no-one was willing to save me from the darkness. Not Jesy. Not Leigh-Anne. Not our fans. Not you. I wanted you to be my heroine.

Its been so long without you.

I hope I will be able to meet you again in heaven. Maybe even live another life together as different people.

Y'know what? I will even treasure our relationship and our memories as if they were my own heart. I hope you can carry on my memory. I want you to remember me happy, cheerful. I want you to remember the old me. Not the corrupted one.

I love you, Perrie. I always will.

Your beloved,

Jade