Diabetes | yoonmin

一

I missed you, your smile, your laugh, your kiss, your everything. And I was once again, broken.

Remember when you told me I was cute because I was different? You were my first love, the only thing that kept me going. I was so alone before you came. I sat missed my usual bus so I had to use another one, you sat beside me. The whole ride was silent, but when I decided to go off, I saw that you dropped your id card. That's when I found out you went to the same school as I am. You were my complete opposite, you're such a goody-two-shoes, and I was the kid who got into detention so many times. I had a giant tattoo on my back and yet you said you hated tattoos. I was lonely for so many years, I was fighting my demons all by myself. You were cheerful and bright, I was quiet and dark.

One day, you decided to talk to me. you said I never had friends, and you wanted to be my friend. I told you to fuck off.

You didn't stop bugging me, I was so annoyed. I created walls between me and other people. I was protecting myself. But the longer it gets, I've grown attached to you. I trusted you, we were friends. I liked you. We dated for a few months, until you decided to disappear. I waited for you, but when I saw you today. You were with a girl. You said you liked boys, I guess you were bi. I was fine, but you decided to pretend you didn't know me.

I looked like an idiot. I stood there on the rain. I laughed, I shouldn't have trusted you all this time. My old habits kicked back. I started using pills to help me, and blood dripping from my arms. I was right where I started. I was happy, we were happy. I guess I'll never be enough, or maybe I'm just not worthy to be loved.

Truth to be told, I still love you. After all these years, even if you have completely forgotten me, or not I will never know. I created walls once again. You made my life colourful. I wore my leather jacket, and walked to the park where we used to be. I sat down on the bench, I lit my cigar. I smiled remembering how much you hated cigarettes, you always get mad if I smoke.

With a tear stained cheeks. I'm sorry I was not good enough. I guess I'm just a broken lost boy just wondering when would I be found. You would've ended up better with her anyway.

A boy sat next to me and gives me a tissue, he said

" hey, terrible break up? Let's get some coffee, my treat"

Maybe it was a start of something new. Or maybe he'd leave like you too. I'd never know if I didn't try. I won't shut down myself I like used to, just like how you wanted. I promise I'll treat him better so he won't disappear like you. Goodbye my love, I hope you're always happy, treat her better so she won't end up like me okay darling?