The Cancer Free Me: Teen/Adult Advice by Alicia Wade

Chapter 3

5th grade. I remember those days like it was yesterday. Back then, I could stick up for myself. Haha those were the days. I always thought, "hey, don't let these two or three losers get to you! You're better than them by far!" One day it got so bad that I picked up a desk and truthfully almost threw it at two boys that were bullying me, but sadly the teacher came in and caught me in the act of nearly almost throwing a chair at two boys bullying me. She told me to put it down and I straight up said "I won't put it down unless you want me to throw it at you too. I'm sick and tired of getting bullied by these two everyday and you guys not do a damn thing about it!" Oh and yes I did swear back then. Haha long, long story about that. I'll tell it another day. But yeah that was my elementary days.

6th grade. My oh my, where do I begin? Man, those were the days. That was the first school year that I didn't get bullied in and I was "popular". I was always in trouble, getting detention, and I was hanging with the bad crowd. I guess I just wanted to know what it was like to be happy and feel wanted for once at school. Oh I also got suspended once because I truly did steal my 6th grade science teacher's soda. I hate her so much. I mean I know that it was still no right for me to steal it, but back then I really didn't care. But sadly the bullying slowly started back up towards the end of the year.

7th grade. The year I call "the worse year of my life"... The bullying was so, so bad this school year. I literally went home crying every single day with bruises because I'd get shoved against lockers, hit by locker doors, pushed around, and sometimes pushed to the ground and everyone around me would be laughing at me while I get back up and pick my stuff back up. Omg the things they'd call me. They'd call me fat, ugly, hideous, Godzilla, a whale, hippo, cow, and so many more unspeakable things. I missed 45 days of school because of it. Like it was that bad. Sadly the school was doing nothing about. Now I'm gonna put a trigger warning here because the next part or so are gonna be about self harm and suicide. If you don't wanna read these next parts, then you can continue to chapter 4. But if you would like to read these next parts, then here we go. The 45 days of school that I missed, I'd be home trying to kill myself and erase myself from the world. I tried truthfully everything, but nothing worked (of course). This is also when I started self harming again. I attempted suicide 40-50+ times. It was awful. I was just so majorly depressed that I 100% thought that no one really wanted me here. I had stopped self harming for a little bit that school year, but then started again because later that year is when I started making online friends. Honestly, worse mistake I've ever done.