Never Knew We Needed You

11

"All right Paige! We've got the painkiller!"

The nurse comes in with a simple plastic mask attached to a gas tank.
"Paige, you're going to need a c-section. You don't need to move, just let us take care of everything."
She slides the band over my face and instructs me to inhale. Once I get over the sickly sweet scent, relief floods through my body. In fact, it's almost completely knocking me out.

"Paige, we have to do the c-section. You don't have to do anything, we've got you," she repeats, and I nod, just so she knows I understand fully.
After my exchange with Mark, I've found a bit of relaxation. I'm ready, after seven hours of labor. It's almost one in the morning.

The drug causes sedation, so I'm still conscious, it's just a lower level. I'm aware of the screen they're moving around me, the doctors rushing and speaking in low, urgent voices. Mark keeps a firm grip on my hand.
The only thing I feel is cold metal poking around my middle.

Suddenly, after around thirty minutes, I hear gasps and gentle shouts of joy. I'm coming to, and when I do, I drop Mark's hand, while the doctors move everything away. Mark is now stroking my hair.
"You did it sweetie, it's over, she's here. You're fine..."
His words are loving and comforting, but they blur in with everything else happening. I can't focus on anything but my daughter. Even my parents have been pushed out of my mind. Suddenly, a small pink bundle is being put in my arms. I've only held a few infants in my life, but my arms naturally wrap around her. They know what to do. They know how to hold this small lump of humanity.

My mind officially clears and I find myself looking into the sleeping face of my daughter. Mark's daughter. Our daughter. Mark rubs my shoulders.
"She's beautiful," he whispers. I can only smile and use my free hand to stroke her face with a feather-like touch. The hospital bed is wide enough for two people. I move over and gesture for Mark to lay beside me. He climbs in, and puts his arm around me. We sit in silence, just to watch her.
She's so small. Her skin is very red, normal for babies. I can tell already she's going to have Mark's eyes, she hasn't even opened them. She's not quite asleep, but I can imagine being pulled out of a semi-conscious person after trying to get out for almost eight hours can be exhausting, especially  if you're only six pounds. They've put a tiny pink cap over her head to keep her warm, but I can't help but wonder if she'll have my chocolate curls or Mark's thick, fluffy black mess. She fidgets, and I hold her closer. A new feeling then settles in around me.
Awe.

I cannot believe that this child is mine.
Love. Closure. Awe. Determination.
So many feelings, all because of this. My mind suddenly flashes back to the conversation I had with Renata recently. She was telling me what to expect as a mother.

Prepare yourself to love someone more than you ever have before, because I promise you, you never have, and never will, love anyone or anything more than this child.

I only now realize she's right.
This makes me chuckle. I sigh, and turn my head to Mark, and kiss him. We stay there for awhile. I put as much love into this kiss as possible. I hand him Copeland, and I see all of the same emotions pass over his face, see his arms melt to hold her properly the way mine did.
"Paige, this is our daughter," he says. I watch his eyes take in every inch of her, his gaze so full of love. We sit in silence for around five minutes when he pulls his phone out. He looks at me, and I nod. He takes a simple picture of her now-sleeping face. I watch him put it on Instagram with the simple caption,
"I highly doubt videos will be up today."
I cuddle her and laugh quietly, "They're going to be so mad that you didn't say more. Like maybe her name?"
Mark just smiles at Copeland.
"Oh, they're going to see so much of her they'll be sick of it. They don't even know we're engaged. We'll make a vlog once we're settled, if you're okay with that."
I kiss his temple, "Mark, I love being a part of your channel. They like me, and they're going to love Dadiplier, trust me."
I hand him Copeland back, and I fall asleep. It's two a.m., and I'm going to have to make a lot of difficult phone calls soon.

One Week Later

Mark, Copeland, and I are finally settled in our home. Mark's been putting up videos that have nothing to do with the baby or me, and his fans are going insane. I haven't call anyone in my family back. They understand, especially my parents. But today, I'm making this call I've been dreading for a whole week.
I pick up my phone. I'm sitting in Copeland's room, where she's laying in her crib, sleeping on and off, playing with her hands when she's awake. She's fascinated by everything she sees, since it's her first time for everything. Every day I realize how lucky I am to have her.
Wyatt answers on the first ring.
"Hey kid, you ready?"
"Yeah, am now. Tell me what happened."
"A week and three days ago it happened. They don't know who did it, but the front door was smashed open. It started in the staircase, then it strategically went to all the doors and then their room. They then set fire to the rest of the house. The guy is clearly a pyromaniac, a professional one at that. It was too perfect, too clearly set to trap and mutilate."
Here he pauses, to let this sink in. I swallow.
"Go on. I'm fine."
"So yeah. They tried to get out, which led to Mom grabbing a dangerously hot phone to call 911, they arrived pretty quickly. Mom went blind, their room was completed destroyed, it was so bright. They had to jump out the window, Dad burned his arm so badly before then, trying to open the window, and shoving Mom out. It was burned down to the bone, and it was fractured."

It's horrific. I don't want to hear about it or talk about it, but I have to.
"My god Wyatt...are you sure they're okay?" I ask.
"They're alive. They really want to see you. They're staying with Gabe right now, and they both really, desperately want to see Copeland and Mark. Telling them you're engaged will put a smile on their faces, and Mom cannot shut up about holding Copeland. Like seriously, she isn't at all upset about being blind now, in fact she's having fun with it. She likes guessing where things are and what they look like."
I laugh. Sounds like her all right, a positive spin on everything.
"Mark and I are planning on driving up tomorrow, don't worry," I promise.
"Good. I mean, I may not want kids, but I'm just as excited as the rest of the family to see you and your family."
I hang up, and stand up to start packing. Mark comes in.
"Hey, what happened?"
I explain to him, and I watch his face darken in sadness. I hug him.
"Hey, it's okay, we'll see them tomorrow, Copeland  will really make them happy, I know it."
Mark looks over at our daughter.
"Speaking of which?" He says, "you ready for the vlog?"
I smile, "Of course. Let's do it."

Mark sets up his camera in front of the rocking chair where I'm sitting, cradling her. He pulls another chair over and starts the recording.
"Hey guys, I know I've been driving you all crazy, and I wanted to start off by apologizing. Videos have been scarce and updates were really sporadic, mostly because, well, taking care of an infant takes time! I was determined not to let all the work fall to Paige, so I'd like to take this time to introduce all of you to our daughter, Copeland!"
Here he pauses to take the baby from me, and I see a similar smile to the one he had the day she was born.
"Copeland was born a week ago today, she was six pounds and three ounces, and for a newborn, she already has a huge personality. She's the cutest baby on the face of the earth, and I feel so lucky to have her. I have no idea how to be a parent, but I mean who does?" He turns to me.
"You should know a bit more, there's like a million kids in your family."
I roll my eyes and nudge him gently, "Yes, and I was the youngest. I do have tons of experience with my nieces and nephews, since there are around twenty of them, but Mark is so far the best dad in the universe."
He pecks my lips and looks down at my ring. So I'm supposed to tell eleven million people this. I take a deep breath, and begin, "Mark also proposed to me the day before she was born. Of course I went into labor that night, she took her own sweet time arriving, but now she's here and she's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I have no idea when we're getting married, but it should be in a few months. Mark likes the idea of a summer wedding."
Mark wraps the video up, and I take Copeland back in my arms.
"I hope they love her as much as we do," I say. Mark strokes her arm.
"They will, I know."