Kaworu Ore No Ai. Shinji Ore No Kokoro. (Kaworu My Love. Shinji My Soul.)

Saigo Sayonara (Final Goodbye)

WARNING SPOILERS
Shinji Ikari was the one to kill Kaworu Nagisa, but also to spend the last moments of his existence with him. This is a shounen ai story.
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Unable to think of the thought of the world ending, Shinji Ikari did something he never thought he would do to the other male; he killed him. Moments before the world would end the third son, Shinji squeezed Kaworu making his head fly off. Then Kaworu's head fell over, making Shinji cringe and for the two, for a moment that was very, very brief the two seemed to be transported to a completely distant place.

A place between life and death.

A place where all was white and no borders were installed. All Shinji could really say was that it was a bizarre place that he never wanted to see again because it only brought back regretful memories after what had happened in there. Actually, some would argue that the event only happened in his head, because he had been so shocked with Kaworu's death, but something inside the third son told him that nothing had been imagined.

And that specific moment he shared with Kaworu before he officially died was something that stuck to him, pervaded his every dream and his mind because of...well he didn't know because of what. He just knew something had bothered him dearly, something bordering between jealousy, regret and want. For you see, Shinji Ikari had fallen in love with the angel Kaworu Nagisa and the hardest decision he ever had to make in his entire life was letting the love of his life go.

At that moment, as I've said before, when Shinji squeezed Kaworu's body, they had been transported to an odd place filled with whiteness and deprived of borders. The place between life and death. There they had their last conversation, ever.

"I'm sorry you had to do that." Kaworu had smiled softly, something Shinji had seen this before and seeing it now just upset him.

"Don't lie to me with that peaceful look on your face." Shinji had whimpered. He clenched his fists and bit his tongue to stop an outburst of emotion. "If you were truly sorry, you wouldn't have done this. You would have let me done it. Wouldn't the satisfaction had been the same? That world would have died anyway."

Kaworu's smile had remained as he shook his head slowly in response. "I don't think you've ever felt the pain of having someone you loved romantically with all your heart be brutally ripped away." Kaworu had said softly, but not as a reproach or anything. The angel was merely trying to explain his point of view. "and even if letting you forfeit would have spared my life, I think it would have been a decision I would have regretted. In the end, I'm glad I'm the one who dealt the world with my life, sparing it."

All the while Kaworu spoke, Shinji understood truly why he had done it and couldn't help but call him out. "You liar! Even in death you refuse to tell the truth to me!" Shinji had yelled. "You did it for me, didn't you? You wanted to be the one to let me live! You didn't love me, cause you were leaving me alone! Now, because of you, you didn't care if you died because then you would see me live!" Shinji had bit his lip to stop him from speaking further, but the following words had spilled out on their own. "You weren't thinking about anyone else, but yourself, were you!? How your actions would affect me!? What about me - how can you leave me alone like this!? How...how could you leave me?!"

And regardless of the weight Shinji Ikari had dropped on Kaworu at that very moment, Kaworu hadn't flinched in the least bit nor had he seemed fazed by the confession. "You're right," Kaworu admitted with a kind smile, "I wasn't thinking about anyone else, but myself and what I wanted, but that doesn't mean I regret what I did and even if I did it's too late now." There was a pause as Kaworu stared at his feet before continuing. "As for you...I trust that Misato will take care of you and that...one day, you'll learn to forgive me."

And then there was more silence in which Shinji could only ask to himself: What about everything? Did you forget about the memories we had made together? Finally, Kaworu took a step forward and placed a hand on Shinji's shoulder and gave the latter such a tender, kind look. Shinji blushed under the other's gaze, but never looked away until Kaworu noticed something in the distant white. The third son turned to see what had intrigued the other man and felt his heart drop upon the sight of a figure motioning for Kaworu.

The slender, small figure stood awkwardly, smiling stupidly while it waited for Kaworu to finish. When Shinji rested his eyes on the angel once more, he noticed the over flowing feeling and longing directed towards the figure and how he had never had a chance to compete against it. As Kaworu's hand left from Shinji's shoulder and he walked - as if hypnotized - towards it, the third son was forced to watch his friend and unrequited love slip away forever. It was when Kaworu took it's hand that Shinji Ikari was cast back into reality where the corpse of the angel slumped over the evangelion's hand and whispered: "I'm sorry..." before finally giving in to death.

And there Shinji sat, holding Kaworu as his body lay there limp. In the distance, he saw light.

Thus was the end of Kaworu Nagisa and the memory that haunted Shinji Ikari for the rest of his life.